Intresting trip. The 3 days had past quickly.
Well~ It was a sweet and sour kinda trip to me... haha...
Every detail has a meaning to me, as detail as walking at my right side or left side can mean something to me. Scarey ah? Maybe thats why I get upset easily, too many little things show negative signs.
I think when the time to leave has come, attachment has revealled in my heart.
I didn't expect it to be so strong...
It is not about leaving a place... it is walking out a life into another.
Leaving everything behind, I'm left with food, lodging, medcine and robes.
Am I ready to make such a lifetime investment? Now, I don't think I am.
I am still between reality and illusions.
Thinking...
I have left with 1 yr in poly 2 yrs in NS and that's it. I am gone... All the rest will remain as memories...
I can't wait to take as much photos as possible... to keep all the memories that we have been together, furthurmore it is a rare chance to go for a holiday trip together like this!
But I'm being dissapointed over that relactant attitude... I'm buring inside, I'm anxious...
A few times I blow up and spoke with an harsh attitude.
Is shopping worth more than the time and memories we spent together?
I don't know what everyone is thinking... I don't know what to say, though I tried to speak.
I'm still worried over the most fundamental thing of all...
where do I stand, in everyones heart?
I see the other side of everyone... it was somehow dissapointing... I don't want to see, I don't want to hear anymore, I don't want to speak... stuffing my ears with the ear piece, calming melody, singing praises of beautiful memories...
then I heard this... 人生短短几十年，何必斤斤来计较...
ya... The time left is short, why do I mind so much. 所有的失望与伤痛，我已经包容下来了。
Whatever is done, I will be always there... No matter what you all have become... This is a promise. Thinking back, I should accept whatever it is.
因为爱，所以包容一切。This is the most valuable lesson I've learnt.
But one thing I can't deny... I felt insecure...
Thank you jac... for being there when I felt the worst...
Thank you jon... Your little little acts,
intentional or unintentional, gave me some sense of hope and warmth,
especially tat grap on my shoulders when we took the photo at the Archi. Sek San's house.
Thats what I was looking forward, for the whole group of friends.
...and simple things like the slippers...
Although I dun get to snap like u and HZ, wearing the same shirt...
Maybe I'm seeing things too "fine" where others see things "coarse".
Sunday, June 18, 2006
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