Sunday, February 15, 2009

Compliments for 'Dear Death' Art Performance

I managed to get 4 free tickets for this performance.
The number of audience is bitterly less, but the claps is loud and clear.

It's really a great performance. I didn't expect it to be something so Dhamma.
Other than the venue, which I find, too small, too close to audience, everything else is great!

The singing, the movements, the traditional dance is so graceful, the costume, the Dhamma Pali quotes chosen was all good and accurate, even it's pronounciation. They story is fine. It is exquisite and poetic.

The performers are professional and good. Traditional dance... there is one particular move, where 1 leg rests with the kneel cap only, and the other leg seating. I saw the performer balancing himself. It is a difficult move. But is is beautiful, the person on the floor is as if flying.
The dance makes the people look really like Devatas. Sound good, Look good. Haha... Moving as if flying, with happy faces, as if liberated...

The show falls mainly on the Buddha's teaching about death, the Dhamma and also the perspective of Death from the Director, Punnasak Sukee.

I missed the front few parts, because I'm late. But I'll buy the tickets and watch it once more.
It only has 3 days, 13, 14, 15 Feburary.

This "Dear Death" talks about the unsettled young grandson as his grandmother is passing away soon. He is worried, and perplexed.

He was in the dream, when I stepped in half way.

He reflects on the Dhamma he heard before, the pain from separation, from attachment, sorrow, fear, helplessness. He feel the pain.

At one part he was really reflecting what most people are today!
Lead by material gains, living unconsciously, going round and round, round and round, in laughter and sorrow, laughter and sorrow. Doing nothing about the surest thing "death"

There the Dhamma was contemplated,
"life is uncertain, death is certain.

We are subject to death.

Nothing belongs to us”

Finally,

Sabbe Dhamma Nalam Abhinivesaya!
Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to.

In the show "HE" the one, with utmost glory, like that of a celestial being, is the representation of Death. HE seats on the gold chariot, with a golden body, endowed with Dhamma and happiness, lead by many beautiful and handsome fairies. He is gentle, full of sympathy.

This HE, put on the role to ease the grandson's heart.

Grandson was realizing his ignorance. He has heard, "Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to...and all other Dhamma" but yet he see himself, that he is still ignorant, still unawakened. and he questions, WHY?

This shows the understanding of Dhamma in the director.

HE answers his doubts, by pointing out many things, answering in a poetic and deep manner, it goes something like this:

"Will you take my grandma away?"
"I seperates no one..."

He went on telling, the way to awakening is to let go of "Self", that idea. In doctrine, that is sotapanna stage, a 1st level saint out of the 4 levels.

HE told him these, as the way:

"Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya"
Live consciously and alert on the "Time".

What time does the Buddha meant? This the actual word of the Buddha as well. It means the time of death.

but grandson carries on to be emotional and despair about the arriving death of his grandma.

and HE repeatedly tell him, "Be Awakened".

"Nothing belong to us."

"Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to."

This emphasis carries on to a extend, where suddenly there comes the dancing devas singing the verse "Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya", repeatedly, in a heavenly manner.

and Grandson come into sense, and finally understood, "Yes I should live consciously and alert on the 'Kala'."

The grandma at the ending, said something striking to me, which I consented by nodding my head, actually I've been nodding many times in the show. It's the same to what I know, what I felt as well.

1 part, the grandma said, "I've no regrets, I'm aware of my good Kamma and merits."

When HE came again, on his golden chariot, came and brought the grandma, to Chuala Mani pagoda (a pagoda in 33 heavens, that enshrines the hair of the Buddha), the grandson, said something that trigger my Dhamma sense again,"When I saw, grandma was brought away, I am distressed. But looking at the smiles of my grandma, and the devata's smiles, I'm happy for grandma. One day I'll be the one on the chariot, and I know I'll see you again. I live consciously, aware of "Kala"."

There is another interesting conversation, where grandma says,
"HE say he will come again at night"
"Late night? When?"
"Maybe."
"Unpredictable. Life is uncertain, but Death is certain."

Beautifully expresses the uncertainty of life. Poetically.

There is another. This grandson is good in poetry.
He describes this body, as a station.
He says, "The station meant for us to leave it." Well we don't stay at the station forever, it is a temporary stay.

There are still some Dhamma quotes, but I fail to remember them exactly.

I really like to reccommend this show to Buddhists and none buddhist alike.
It is reflective, entertaining, and beautiful. Especially educational in Dhamma for Buddhists.

If there is DVDs on this performance I'll definately buy one. But less likely, I feel.

The director's intention of his shows are for the teachings of the Buddha. Just like his previous work, "Dancing to Nirvana." I've read about it, another very interesting storyline.

He said very well,
“We should understand death before our death."

Reading on Dancing to Nirvana, the previous work, he also sees the current situation on Buddhist world:

"My life goal is not to get rich but to seek wisdom, so I study more and more, and have discovered many truths.

For example, although Thailand is a Buddhist country, the way Buddhism is taught in school is not quite right.

The more I study Dharma by myself, I find that we lack discipline in our study and practice of Buddhism."

"I'd like to show how contemporary people are suffering, while trying to find ways out of this life of hardship,"

"From the beginning, we haven't been properly introduced to Buddhist teachings - we now don't really understand them and can't apply them to real life. We've been engulfed in the streams of materialism, so much so that we can't reach the true meaning of Buddhism."


Lastly, being a good Dhamma education material.
The way Dhamma was brought up, resembles what I wanted to do for the previous 41st Annviersary of SPBS. A artistic performance that speaks the Dhamma. I'm glad that I can get to know, that this kind of performance actually existed already and the Dhamma is accuratly potrayed.

After finishing the Show, I have the urge to Sadhu them.

I can summarise the main message of the show with what Ajhan Fuang has once said,

"As soon as we're born, we're sentenced to death
— just that we don't know when our turn will come.
So you can't be complacent.
Start right in and develop all your good qualities to the full
while you still have the chance."


Once again,

Nothing Belongs to us.
Life is uncertain but Death is certain.

Sabbe Dhamma Nalam Abhinivesaya!

Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to.

Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya
Live consciously and alert on the "Time".

I'll refine this reflection when I watched the 2nd time.
I might be taking notes...HAHA

It's a no regrets watching this performance. But I regret about the number of audiences they had. Maybe the publicity wasn't good enough.

If there is opportunity, I might want to see more of their performances in the future, and also the past work "Dancing to Nirvana".

Saturday, February 14, 2009

My Valentines Day

This is the 1st time I had activities on Valentines Day. It's a busy day.
Since the morning I'm racing for time.

I'm suppose to go for a performance call "Dear Death" by Bangkok University, Dept of Performing Arts this afternoon.

It all happens from a SMS yesterday, where MX promised to reply on fri whether is she able to attend the performance... It all started where she mentioned, "It's for valentines!" then I realise, it was valentines day on 14 Feb. I was never aware or took notice about valentines. Just not bothered to be aware about it.

I remember my NS friend shawn mentioned he wanted to make paper roses bouquets for some of his friends for Valentines and I thought, "Hmm.. Since she reminded me about it, maybe I should prepare a gift for Valentines."

It was on friday late afternoon then I started learning on making paper roses from him, and he brought me shopping for materials. By the time I reach home, it is late night liao. I don't want ppl see me making all these... kinda girlish thing..haha... It looks girlish lor.

So I made them when everyone was asleep and went to sleep before dawn. I wouldn't stayed up so late if i had found the material i missed... the green tape for stalks. So I thought... aiyah, morning go buy.

Sleep until 11am jump up... haha start searching for it again, and I found it... quickly finish the thing rose and started on the card.

Thought for some moments...

Came up with this Poem or rather, couplets, not too chim, not too shallow:

人生 彩云 天地换,
唯有 真情 万世长。

Literal Translation:
Life and Time changes with Heaven and Earth(means: Everything)
Only true feelings carry on for 10 thousand years(means: Forever)

It means:
Everything in life changes, only genuine feelings stays forever.

This is a fresh experience, I'm portrayed as a "Hardcore Religious Person", but today I'm going to be a 风流才子... haha, romantic and talented person. That's the nature of Libra's what... = )

After everything is done, start locating the receivers liao... by that time is 12.30am and the race for time begins.

1pm leave house, chiong to punggol... Taxi is sooo had to get... finally reach FGS, presented the gift, search for taxi to COLLECT TICKET! Sian Diao... it's already 1.40pm!!!

(These people are interesting... Valentines Days Squat in temple study... Zzzz, but I'm fine with it. Haha)

Worse, the place I'm in is 鸟不生蛋,一片荒野。A helpful auntie advised me where I can get a Taxi. I got to walk all the way down to the HDB area. Heng Heng in 10mins, I get a Cab, and fly to Indoor Stadium... Another 鸟不生蛋,鸡不拉屎 Place... Worse than Punggol. That was 2.00pm.

Again, heng heng, a empty taxi came, after 15mins. Quickly wave and chiong to esplanade. 2.30pm liao. Lucky Indoor stadium and esplanade not far away, and meet up with YF and LB.

Phew...First time race until like that. I know I'm going to spent alot this time on Taxi, specially prepared funds for it. Then I cracked a joke to them about missing parts of the performance, "Things isn't that perfect today, this shows that valentines day is not meant for 3 guys gatherings, like us."

Although we missed the 1st part of the performance, but it is still a marvelous performance to us, they way it portrayed the story, the music, the song, the pali buddhist quotes, the way the sing the Gathas... the way they dance and the costume... SOOOO nice! As great, as majestic as our Chinese arts!

It is a great show, with great meanings.
Most importantly, the Buddhist aspect of it is accurate, even it's pronunciation is precise!

I prepared 2 gifts for 2 different ladies. but the 2nd one didn't managed to pass to her leh... Hai~
I didn't want to bring 2 boxes put in a plastic bag or what... So Orh Biang... I only brought the punggol one out, and thinking to collect the 2nd one from home.

But by the time i reach home is night time le. She say no need to rush so far away to pass her that, can pass next time, it's ok. I'm not use of giving belated presents, but no choice, in the end got to gave up the idea, and pass the gift to her next time liao...

She asked what about ZL and the rest? I say, "Only made for selected few." On the other hand, I'm thinking inside me... Valentines presents... man give man...Roses?? Eeee...So weird.

Maybe a blue one...haha... Blue Roses actually means "We are Impossible." But I realise some people give their GF's Blue roses. If that girls knows the message behind the colours, she will be like, "What have I done wrong?? = ("

But I guess both of the guy and girl is ignorant of these hidden messages bah... Hai~
Or maybe the girl like blue roses?

Anyway, it's a Interesting Day.

I do get shy and nervous when I need to do these mushy things, like giving presents to girls, or hanging out 1 to 1 with another girl, even though it's nothing or proposing, or courting.
Heh...some phobia from bad and nasty experiences in the past, lack of confidence.

But no, I must go through this barrier, must be nothing to afraid. Not I see girls shy, is girls see me will shy, like that... if not I'll have an extra barrier.

I'm going to experience and learn, what is it like to do all these tender loving care things... to... girls (today's girls aren't tender and loving leh... Haha!) See the heart, see the mind, understand how it works... That will be good for practice, see will 动凡心 or not.
Then next time I can draw reliable self-experiences as examples for Dhamma explanation mah...

I can see my heart pumping actually... haha... never do this kinda thing before.

Also, if I can, maybe try... how's a relationship is like personally...
Why so pain? Is it because of the nature of relationship, or it is all about mental qualities and method of managing?
Why stressful?
Why so happy?
Can it be joyful, harmonious and full of greatness of true Metta?

If I'm being thrown into a relationship, I will 方寸大乱, dunno what to do ah... Haha...

Drawing example from Buddha, he isn't virgin!
But he had gotten the best wife on earth, who truly loves.

Who can endure husband go become a monk? She must be of noble love! In the end, his wife, his son, also become arahants, free from pain of life, dwell in utmost happiness.

People don't understand, but this is how the Buddha loves. A loving mother cannot free her child from the misery of separation, aging, illness and death. We can't bear to see our love ones in pain, how can we help?
He don't want to be trapped in this dilemma, he don't want to be helpless. For the freedom from the misery of separation, aging, illness and death, he seek the path.

The more he love, the more he part them for lasting happiness. He did it. Just an example.

Or like Maha Kassapa and his wife. I find that many romantic stories in the Suttas. And the level of love, is really true and great. It is noble and pure, full of wisdom and warmth.

That's the state, I'm always seeking.

My "Yasodhara"

If I ever found my "Yasodhara",
my wonderful companion,
I'll seek the path to happiness, even more,
out of true love.

The more I love,
the more I should seek freedom,
for myself, for her.

Leaving everything behind,
seeking the path earnestly,
My heart, as the Buddha's love,
will be purer and true along the way.

She takes care of my needs and well-being,
my parents, my child and the family.
Setting my heart at ease,
for the pursuit of awakening.

Her loneliness might be a regret,
but my company will never set her free,
from aging, illness and death.

Because of that,
striving is my duty,
for her lasting happiness.

With a warm, gentle and soft voice,
I'll tell her by her ears, before I part,
"Because I Love you truly and pure,
therefore I seek eternal happiness."

That is the greatest happiness I can give,
that is the best happiness I should give.
The freedom from all fears, all discontentment,
all suffering.

Only my "Yasodhara" can Love to this extend,
no others are capable of loving to such purity.

We might seek the path together,
Loving based on only Love.
Beyond possessing,
beyond sensuality.

When eternal happiness is achieved,
All beings are benefited.

There we dwell in everlasting happiness,
and immeasurable Love.

If "Yasodhara" was never found,
my wonderful companion,
I'll seek the path to happiness, even more,
out of true love to all my love ones.

The more I love,
the more I should seek freedom,
for myself, for everyone.

That love,
pure,
unchanging,
everlasting,
limitless,
is what I seek,
is my final aim.

Once, a NS friend asked everyone on the table,
"Would you be the one dominating? or be dominated in a relationship?"

I refuse to answer.
But he keep probing me to answer. I passed a comment, "No lah, I don't want to offend people."

Until he say, "I really want to know your comments, I want to learn."
Then I reply, "I feel this question is shallow. Summarized: Love is not about dominating. But it may involves leadership. If we think on who should dominated, you'll end up quarreling, because most of the time, people see the giver as a victim. Love is really about hope the other party to be happy and well, if not, you are actually in love with yourself, your feelings and your benefits. The "Yue Niang" in Little Nyonya, demonstrates this. Because she truly loves, that is why she can give up him for his benefit, not stubbornly wanted to possess him, and in the end breaking up his family."

I always feel, most people out there, didn't really understand what love is all about.
It is more of affection, attachment and desire.

If got the chance, I'll try out everything I understand about love.

No good thing prospers in ignorance.
The more we understand this flawed universe the more skillfully we can live, and the happier we will be.

We love best when we do not love out of desperation.

-Nothing Higher to live for, Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano


Some movies are weird, but they possess great wisdom, like 情癫大圣。I don't really like it, but I can't help but to agree what the 如来佛祖 told 唐三藏:

如来:
如果我告诉你,你们在一起的时间,只可以维持到今天日落,你觉得呢?

三藏:
我愿意。

如来:
正因如此,你的爱是有限的。你有没有想过,爱一个人,不一定要有结果。

不追求结果,就不会有尽头的一天。

我相信,这女子今天上天庭是打算(为你)牺牲自己,并没有想过要再跟你在一起。

这种不追求结果的爱,才是无限的。(I feel, this part a bit not very right. It is not yet 无限, because this sacrifice is still limited to 三藏 only. I don't feel that she will sacrifice to another one like that, other than 三藏)

We love best when we do not love out of desperation.
-Nothing Higher to live for, Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano

That is my stand too... =)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

叹尘俗

叹尘俗
别人笑我太疯癫,
我笑他人看不穿。
尘俗少能识珍宝,
吾心圣物诚心见。

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

忍气吞声,为什么?

申冤

断而直言,我独自当。
万般冤屈,我一人扛。

青天不在,
但向何处申冤?

碧海晴空,
何时与我面见?

不忍众生无正道,
法灭心暗彼岸远。

佛祖座下有凡夫,
请佛慈眼解迷津。



当我站起来,开口说话:我发现,我是孤独的。
无能啊无能,我为何不能更强大?自己吞下一切?

为什么当我受尽委屈,没有人替我维护?

我看见希望,世事急迫的需要抢救。
躺在面前的竟然是不成器的人。
不明白,也不细听忠告。

没有能体会我的心情的人。
没有应得的待遇,还要被羞辱教训。
而竟然没有人站出来。

我了解,“他们应为迷惑,所以才会犯错。”
我不应该怪他们。

但是我很心疼,有谁能够体会?心疼迷惑的人,心疼后人要继续受莫名其妙的苦。

几年来的幸苦,无人道感谢。
为了什么?要这样的受苦?
做牛做马还糟讲。
我为什么要忍你的胡闹?
我也不知道。

什么都可以忍。
什么都可以忘。
就是忍不了他们这样的对待。
就是忘不了这样的委屈。

我只希望可以痛哭,
哭出来可以舒服一点。

我的委屈,已经没有什么话可以安抚。
因为我听不下。
在温馨的话,听了也会眼泪直流。

如果知道,男儿有泪不轻弹,
就用你的心来量一量我的冤屈。

我好比当年的关盼盼。

当年徐州名妓关盼盼,被张愔纳为妾。

两年后张愔病逝,只有关盼盼难忘恩情,移居旧宅燕子楼,矢志守节,过着与世隔绝的生活。
十年后,白居易听闻了关盼盼的故事,就写了诗,托人转交关盼盼只见上书:
  
黄金不惜买娥眉,
拣得如花四五枚。

歌舞教成心力尽,
一朝身去不相随。


关盼盼看到这首诗,立刻大哭一场。她不死,是怕别人误会张愔自私,让爱妾殉身, 反而污辱张愔名声,所以苛延残喘,偷生了这些年,而白居易竟以诗作讽,逼她殉夫,怎么不感到悲伤、愤怒?白居易不同情她的境遇,还认为她应该自杀殉情,简单说就是,“你怎么不去死?”

性情贞烈的关盼盼在十天后绝食身亡。
她临死前念了一句,

儿童不识冲天物,
漫把青泥汗雪毫
———你白居易稚若幼童,怎识得我冰清玉洁。

没有人比我殉情,
但是我那种冤屈可能只有她可以体会。
同样恨在一片真心诚意,却不被理解,反被糟蹋。

更怨旁人视若无事。

我不希望什么回报,
只希望这些人,董事一点,快点长大。
不要再做愚蠢,破坏性的行为了。

儿童不识冲天物,
漫把青泥汗雪毫
你们稚若幼童,
怎识得我深志远虑。

我等着能人贤才,来和我为众生打开解脱门。

Monday, February 02, 2009

Let it be lost

"Whatever you lose, let it be lost, but don't ever lose heart."

"Everything that happens has its lifespan. It won't last forever.
When its lifespan is up, it'll go away on its own."

- Ajhan Fuang



Thank You. Ajhan.
It's a cooling spring that runs through my heart.

A gift and a celebration

Oh Buddha, I'm still human...
Haha... So demoralizing.
Humans will go through dissatisfaction, and worse when it is always due to ignorance...

There is a group of my friends, celebrating birthdays, but when it's my turn, mine wasn't celebrated, but other members, celebrate until like 王母诞,天公诞, like that. Most interestingly, it make me feel a bit weird when I am required to involved in organizing other people's birthday and presents. At least I contributed so much, not even sense of gratitude?

Little acts will give hints of how people feel about you. That's what I believe.

I still remember, they get me out for a dinner gathering, very close to my birthday. I thought it was my turn, but later, my senses tell me, better take it as a normal dinner. Later when I reach there, really... HAHA, no happy birthdays, no presents, no treats, nothing, squeezed my time out of mist of busy times. And I'm always busy, because my comrades neither support or lend their hands.

I felt insignificant.

It's not that I want presents, I want birthday celebrations. Friends who know me well, will understand my character, I don't go for the outside things, but the intent and sincerity. Some actions just show that there is a lack of sincerity and respect.

After all, I don't feel that's what I deserve from them. But what to do? I just got to accept it, that I might be in the lower priority to them.

Maybe because I go for the heart, that's why I become more difficult to appease? If people is really sincere, even if it's a thank you card, I means a lot. No need what expensive gifts or what. But, some people might take it as, he 随便 one lah, so 随便 do. Since there is no sincerity involve, how do I appreciate? But I still accept them in thanks.

A sincere gift, a sincere card, a sincere meal, has it's significance.

I must learn to give without asking for a repay, but I now must learn to give even people pay you back negative things.

The most happy occasion I went to, was SIMBB's Anniversary. Because I felt that my genuine heart was appreciated and acknowledged truly by their founder. And I really thanked, partly because of these.

Actually, at many point, there are tears in me, but no one sees. I felt happy that their founder has a bunch of friends, their com members, who truly appreciates and love her, such a delicate crowd.

Yet I felt abit sad, when I see how my people treat me. Like a abandoned parent, I was even told to do things for them, like as if it's my duty. I wasn't treat like a friend, not even basic respects as senior.

Still, I serve, because of their benefits, and for those who yet to come. Just got to accept, forget it, and carry on; Strong, Steady and Sincere as before.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Wise sayings

Recently, I recalled a phrased once told to be by a senior, but I can't get the full sentence. Later my senior told me that it was from "Awareness Itself" by Ajhan Fuang Jotiko.

I always has this problem. I'll get affected emotionally when I can't help some people to resolve their problems. My senior will then say ,"Arh u see, Kena Burn by others liao". To make me understand my foolishness, he quoted this from the Book:

"When you want to teach other people to be good, you have to see how far their goodness can go. If you try to make them better than they can be,
you're the one who's being stupid."

Somethings, just can't be helped. I need something call "Equanimity". Sometimes, getting emotional over it doesn't serve much purpose.


"How good or bad other people are is their own business.
Focus on your own business instead."

"Other people criticize us and then forget all about it,
but we take it and keep thinking about it.
It's as if they spit out some food and we pick it up and eat it.
When that's the case, who's being stupid?"


"Beware of fall-in-the-well kindness: the cases where you want to help other people, but instead of your pulling them up, they pull you down."