循环不尽的诅咒

何曾有人知道？我正是处在《寒蝉鸣泣之时》的世界中，你知道吗？

既然依旧是；
遍染鲜血而逝的结局，
何不就此忘记；
那即将来临的未来？

若温暖的风，
总在某处盘旋纠结；
或许那正是一种暗示。

挣脱吧！尽力挣脱吧！
逃离这场过于悲惨的命运~

你不是注定扎根在地狱的花。
别在那黑暗的国度一次次的绽放，
别让你的身心被牢牢束缚。
随那破碎的时光悄然消失。

是谁正紧握着你疲惫不堪的手？
是谁正轻抚着你伤痕累累的心？

流泪已久的你；
如今在这晴天下，
终于感觉到一种暗示。

飞越吧！ 尽力飞越吧！
逃离这场悲惨命运的拘限。

你不是注定扎根在地狱的花。
别在那黑暗的国度一轮轮凋零，
别让种子一次次残留。
若再次萌芽，便深陷又一轮罪孽。

挣脱吧！尽力挣脱吧！
逃离这场过于悲惨的命运~

你不是注定扎根在地狱的花。
别在那黑暗的国度一次次的绽放，
别让你的身心被牢牢束缚。
随那破碎的时光悄然消失。

Fools and the Wise

Argue with fools and people think you're one of them.

What's worse is they'll beat you with experience.

How true...

Doing BS is as if a love relationship. You may put in a lot, but in return you might end up achieving nothing.

I would really like to know, whether SPBS is a bottomless pit. I'm always too slow to catch up the race. When we are in the best position, people lack understanding. When people understands, we already lost the position to do something. What worse was, people who are inexperience, choose to turn deaf ears to experienced people.

I think they don't really give a damn to get me back despite the consequences if I leave them.

Well, since they feel they are so good, why not just let truth teach them something?

But will kneeling and crying help the situation when it has already turn bad?

Humans...Humans... ignorant man always fail to wake up their idea fast enough. They will learnt to cherish only when it is lost.

If this is Kamma... it have to fruit... regardless bitter or sweet.

Seems like my investment is wrong. I should have invested in my diploma... ya? But regrets now is far too late. That scar will follow me to my grave. Who will pay me for that? You? You? or You?

Sorrow of Racial Harmony day

Tomorrow is racial harmony day. A racial harmony day message was read in the office, while everyone of use listened attentively.

After that, my madam told me that the children wears the traditional costume today in school. She said that they can only wear the traditional costume belonging to their own race. (I wonder whether is it true or not)

Then she carry on saying that, "Who will wear traditional costume today? Especially we Chinese, unlike the Indians and Malay, we don't have our traditional costume."

After hearing that, I said in my heart. We had our traditional costume, just that it was forgotten by everyone...

It kind of motivate me to spread the message of Hanfu. But I know, there will be people making nosies... "who will wear this in modern era?!" "Those are Japanese clothing" "They are ancient clothes..."

“我们懂得民主自由，却忘了伦理纲常；
我们拥有音乐神童，却不识角徵宫商；
我们穿着西服革履，却没了自己的衣裳……”

- 天涯在小楼

Looking at Indians and Malay, Japanesend Koreans... are we Chinese trying to make an irony? Isn't it a tragedy that we chinese ourselves, not only forget that costume that belongs to us, but we spit on it, and defame it.

There will be people like me, who love and understand ourselves. Our own roots and culture. I cherish it dearly.

[转载]方文山北大演讲：现代华人是一个没有质感的民族

方文山兄，我果真没看走眼啊~！虽然我们都不曾认识，但却分享共同的想法。
不枉我对你的歌词欣赏不已， 总觉得颇有深度。

如我所说，看文人墨客，艺术家等作品，如电影、音乐，不难发现其中背后的哲理。文人艺士必定在心灵的程度，对于人生有所领悟。

在此，我从民族文化主題博客转载了这篇令我感叹的文章。读完这后，几乎热泪满眶。沉睡的龙，你快点醒来吧...

方文山北大演讲：

现代华人是一个没有质感的民族

很高兴来到北京大学和各位同学进行这场文化上的交流与经验的分享。我今天所要演讲的题目是：“一个没有质感的民族。”我在这里所指的民族，不是别人，就是我们华人自己。而华人一词的称谓泛指包括内地、台 湾、香港、星马、与东南亚一带的传统华侨，以及美加地区的华裔新移民等。

　 我想可能很多同学都已注意到，我写了很多所谓“中国风”的歌词作品，譬如《娘子》、《双截棍》、《爷爷泡的茶》、《东风破》，还有最近的《菊花台》、《千里之外》等。其实这些歌词中浓厚的古诗词韵味并不是偶然间产生的，作品是最能够反映一个人的价值观跟性格的。一直以来我就是一个民族意识很重的人，长期性的关注跟民族、传统、与文化相关联的议题。当我这种文化意识跟音乐相结合起来时，就自然而然的孕育出所谓“中国风”的歌词，这是首先跟大家解释为何我会创作出如此倾向的作品。

　 现在开始进入我们的主题。我长期以来观察到一个现象，那就是，我认为我们华人并不是一个很有“质感”的民族。所谓的“质感”指的就是一个东西的材质、与它外观上的美学设计，及其整体的精致度。我们会喜欢买一些价钱偏高的名牌包，譬如LV、Gucci等，是因为直觉的就喜欢那些名牌所代表的价值与品味。一般人总是很自然的会去追求名牌衣饰的质感，但却忽略了买此类商品的人，其本身却往往没有什么质感。我对台 湾比较熟，所以现主要以我在台 湾所观察到的现象举例。像一些在北市闹区逛街的年轻女生，很多时候的穿着并不是很协调：她可能上身套一件优雅的洋装，下半身却穿着嘻哈风的牛仔裤，然后脚上硬生生的一双廉价的夹趾拖鞋。当然此类的造型，某些时候美其名为混搭，问题是，大部份的人都搭配的很没有风格。常常自己的穿着品味的调性并不具备一致性，没有基本的美学素养，但却盲目地去追求名牌，这是精神错乱式的荒谬。大部份的消费者在挑选商品时，都懂得会去追求衣服、皮包、汽车等物品的质感。因为美的东西其价值是有共通性的，没有人不喜欢美的东西。但大家在拼命追求商品外在质感的同时，却常常忽略了自身对穿着打扮很基本的美学素养，变成需借助与依赖这些名牌的材质去衬托自己的行情。

　　 举例来说，以台 湾人对婚嫁与丧礼等此类人生大事的态度来看，台 湾人对美的基本尊重，便已严重的不及格。那是个应该要很庄严的场合，但来参加的来宾中通常都一定会有人直接就穿夹趾拖鞋或是汗衫来。不管是尊重已往生的死者，或对婚礼上正沐浴喜悦中的男女双方而言，穿载整齐是合乎礼的一个最起码的要求，但大多数的人却不这么严肃看待。我们再观看时下流行音乐的MTV，或是正在热门档期中的国片，如果你有心观察的话你会发现，明明就是华人的电影、华人的歌手，但只要有婚礼或葬礼出现的场景就一定是西式的，因为大家都觉得西式丧礼比较肃穆，而西式的婚礼的确也比较浪漫。要拍唯美的婚礼就一定上教堂，尽管男女主角并不是基督徒。难道是因为大家都觉得西式的婚丧形式比较有美，比较适合戏剧上的表现吗？台 湾很多电影和MV的场景，都喜欢用西式的婚礼和葬礼去呈现。莫非因为华人的婚礼的形式比较吵杂、丧礼的仪式比较低俗？所以比较不适合表现在强调美学构图，与故事张力的戏剧上！？

　　 现再以城市为例来说明，不禁要问为何大多数华人居住的地区都不是很有质感。城市建筑是国家形象最具体的象征。但在台北市，据我所知，大楼外观的建筑形式与色彩调性从来就没有被规范过。市区街上，每个店面的装潢都很有特色，看的出有某种美学的追求，都可以被独栋独店的欣赏。但你只要把镜头一拉开，一扩大，用较大的视野全方位的去看整条街、整个城市的轮廓，你就会发现根本就杂乱无章，城市基调混乱，房子盖的毫无章法。一个城市的建筑反映了一个民族的质感。有质感的东西是可以深入骨髓的，那是文化底蕴浓稠度的一种展现。当你犹如追星族去追求昂贵的舶来品时，实际上正是以某种自卑的心态去追求你自己认为有价值的东西，一种心理上的反差与补偿心理。而台北就像个浓妆艳抹下的模特儿，急于讨好国际上的眼光，却根本就已模糊了自己原本的面貌，完全没有了自己的风格。

　 台湾的一些老旧建筑，比如传统的四合院、日据时期留下的官舍等。这些建筑如果屋瓦毁损了，一般就用很简单很便宜的铁片去搭盖。很少有人会按原先建筑的形式，用原来的建材、风格去修复，这其实就是对传统文化的一种漠视，因为从没有人认为恢复古厝的外观是一件很重要的事，也几乎没人实际这么做。四年前当我初次来北京时，我发现北京很多胡同、四合院都在拆，因为要迎接奥运。那时候我和出版社的人去那些待拆的胡同捡拾门牌，比如刻有“某某胡同”的门牌，我喜欢那种带着旧时记忆象征性的小东西。虽然知道拆掉那些老旧胡同是为了整个城市建设的需要，可我心里还是觉得很可惜。因为“胡同”是北京的城市建筑的象征，也是一种有形的文化资产。当观光客来到上海、香港、台北，北京等华人聚集的城市闹区时，只要不把镜头对准那些具有象征性的地标，你根本就分不清楚你现在位于哪个城市，因为它门所有建筑结构都是西式的，所有的大楼都是玻璃帷幕，或钢骨结构，每个城市的景观都很像。上述那些城市都只有林立的建筑而没有城市文化。胡同是北京的一种象征，外地人来北京看到胡同会感受到一种文化的具体表现。当然，不拆这些胡同也无法大幅度地去建设或改进交通，这也是两难。其实刚开始我老觉得那些旧建筑拆了可惜，但后来发现如果不拆，它整体看起来也是破破旧旧的，散发一种家道中落破败的感觉，一个衰弱的王朝的象征，外观老旧斑驳，也并不是那么吸引人。那到底哪里出了问题呢？是我们传统的建筑形式根本就不适合现代生活的需要吗？

　 我小时候看过一些欧洲小镇的风景明信片，当时以为那只是为了拍照印刷好看，而特地去找来很罕见的景致，目的也只是为了让画面更赏心悦目。一直到后来才知道风景明信片里的村庄是真的都有人居住，那不是欧洲版的中影文化城、他们是一整个村庄、一整个城市，甚至整个国家的风景都是如此的美。我以为明信片上美丽的风景只是在取景时回避掉某些角度，只单拍这个景（比如一座古堡、一段城墙），就像美编过的电影海报一样。后来看了一些在欧洲取景的电影，藉由镜头360度的回转，发现他们是整座村庄、整个城市都是一种统一的色调与建筑风格。台 湾的老建筑通常只是得到“点”的保留。所谓的“点”就是一栋独 立的建筑物被评为三级古迹，但附近就只有它孤零零的一栋古迹而已，在它旁边很可能是一栋钢筋水泥的玻璃帷幕大楼。古迹旁边的景观视野通常并没有被重视与限建。所以对古迹的保护，很难形成一条线、一个面。当然还有个更重要的原因是，台 湾根本也没有年代久远且数量庞大到能够让人连成一条街的古建筑群，更别说能够形成一个像村镇一样面积的古城区，这是做梦都不会发生的事。

　 欧洲有很多中世纪的古建筑，它数量庞大到轻易就能连成一条街，以及一个构成一个村庄。欧洲对于城市建筑的外在色调，很重视其一致性，在盖新的建筑时，会考虑到建物本身与周遭环境的配合，譬如建物外观的颜色、风格，不能太突兀。整个城市的规划和外形是一致的。像捷克首都布拉格的城市基本调性，就是红瓦、白墙，整齐的天际线，犹如童话世界一般。而同样都是老建筑，北京胡同的高度却都只有一楼高，就算不拆，外观上也很低矮，不会很新颖。北京胡同的基调就是灰色的，屋顶的瓦与墙上的砖都是同一种色调，一种保守而没有生气的“灰”。

　 一个民族美学的素养与人的质感是反映在各个方面的。在台 湾，有些人就直接在路边摊上狼吞虎咽的吃起东西。你说这是风土人情也罢，说是生活习惯也行，但在路边摊翘起二郎腿来吃东西，而旁边就有人在洗碗筷。其实既不卫生也不美观。但大多数的人都认为无所谓，也不觉得哪里不对劲。问题是，如此一来，街道就像是工寮，整个城市的景观就被破坏了。还有很多民众家里私人的装潢空间都很讲究设计感，布置的很漂亮，但只要一出了门，到了公有地，就不再会去关心周遭环境的景观。那种心态好像只要是公众的利益，大家就默不关心，自私的心态赤裸裸的显露无遗。这现象好像还不只有台北会发生，香港、上海，以及北京等地，居民的心态与状况也没有改善到哪里去。大部分人不会去在意城市整体景观的维护与协调，甚至花一点时间做环保义工都不愿意，但对于私人住宅，花再多钱装潢都毫不心软。 　
　
　 其实美学的鉴赏是需要从小到大一点一滴的教育，向下扎根，慢慢培养。这种公民意识的形成是需要花很长的时间去蕴酿，养成一整个民族的素质则更需要几百年，甚至上千年。对我而言，出国旅游是投资报酬率最高的行为，尤其是到历史悠久，人文荟萃的欧洲国家。因为他们整个民族花了几百年、甚至上千年时间建立起来的文明，你可能只需一、二万人民币就能浏览他们细心维护下的城市景观，那其实是很震摄人心的。

　　 第二次世界大战期间，布拉格的捷克守军为了维护古城的完整，宁愿选择投降，也不忍先人所耗费心力所建立的城市文明成为瓦砾。而几乎在同一时间，远在东方的中国，在抗战时期却做了完全不同的选择。当时湖南长沙聚集了许多战备物资，国 民 党为避免日军掠夺这些物资，但又不想浪费一兵一卒去守城，折损自己部队的战力。不待日军进 攻，竟自行纵火焚烧整座长沙古城，引发中外著名的《文夕大火》。一个屹立数百年古色古香的长沙城就这样瞬间化为灰尘。当政者就为了保存自己的军力，还有所谓的面子，竟可毫不顾及历代祖先辛苦营建的心血。反观捷克的守军，宁愿当代的自己受辱投降，也不愿历代祖先的心血化为乌有。两相对比之下，不禁令人感概万分。完全不同文化背景所熏陶下的民族，对自身文化遗产的态度，及其所下的决定迥然不同， 当然命运也就不一样。

　 我们的城市规划主要还是以建设、商业为目的去进行。台 湾的老旧建筑汰旧换新的速度很快，现举台 湾特有的“眷村”为例。所谓“眷村”就是当初跟国 民 党部队撤退到台 湾去的那些军人与眷属所住的地方，其村落设置的地点遍布台 湾各地。但政府从来就不认为那些眷村有保留的价值，因为它实际上也就四、五十年的历史，因为要百年以上的建物才够资格被认定为古迹。但如果现在连这种四、五十年的建物都不设法保留而一律拆毁的话，那到底台 湾要怎么累积百年以上的建物呢？“眷村”它代表的是一个族群(外省人)共同的生活记忆。台 湾的政府就是如此的不尊重住民的历史记忆，这是一个可以用来衡量为政者到底有没有“文化质感”的一个指标。

　　有外国人说，台北是一个最没有自己风格与气质的城市。在台 湾,任何人长大后回到十几二十年前的家乡，几乎都已找不到儿时的记忆空间，因为改建的速度很快。可能小时候看过的树、走过的桥、和邻居小孩玩耍的树林全部都因为改建而消失，几乎再也找不到共同记忆，因为共同记忆都被拆光了。建筑物本身所代表的历史记忆不被认为是有意义的。你能够想够想象你儿时生活过的地方，游戏过的公园、住过的小巷、吃过的小馆子，这些生活记忆十几二十年后都彻底的消失是个怎样的状况吗？而台 湾每天都在重复一样的戏码，拆了又盖，盖了又拆。我想北京现阶段为了迎接奥运，老旧建筑拆得很快。

　　 在台湾，传统节日时很多人会来参加庙会的活动，比如迎神赛会、舞龙舞狮，但他们的穿著却很奇怪：上面的传统服装可能是唐衫或道袍，下面却是牛仔裤甚至是拖鞋。他没有意识到一个小细节的维护就是对传统的尊重。但这也不是台 湾独有的现象，我透过报章杂志、与网络信息的了解，也很少看到内地有哪个城市的居民会集体在那个传统节日穿着传统服装出来一起庆祝。国外比如西班牙、法国、意大利等国家的传统节庆，整个小镇的居民都会不约而同自发性的穿载起传统服装，那画面很令人感动。

　 现在大家拼命在讲全球化，但大家有没有想过，出国旅游什么最吸引你？就是那迥然不同的文化差异。去印度，看到印度教的僧侣在冥想；去西班牙，看到他们在斗牛；去南美洲感受桑巴舞；去日本看他们传统的樱花祭，就是那股异国的情调与神秘感在吸引着我们。如果全世界的建筑都盖一模一样，所有的人穿着打扮也都一个样，饮食、庆典、风土民情也不再有各自的特色，那其实已经没有观光的必要了，因为去到哪里都是一样的。所以就我的认知，全球化应该指的是经贸方面的交流，而绝对不应该是文化上的统一。

　 台湾很多歌手都喜欢去国外拍MV，比如意大利的罗马、日本的北海道，拍出来都很宏伟、精致与耐看。但我却没有发现过有外国歌手的MV来台 湾取景。因为我们的市容不整齐，整个镜头一拉开，这边可能是钢筋水泥的建筑，那边可能是四合院，景观的调性很不一致。我去了好几趟日本，日本人对传统聚落的维持一直很用心保存的良好，去那取景所拍出来的MV也很耐看。最讽刺的就是，比如青岛的租界区、上海的十里洋场了。这些曾被殖民者占据过的地方，都反而留下了为数不少而且很有质感的西式建筑。青岛这城市的天际线、上海外滩上林立的大楼都很漂亮。这不免有些讽刺，怎么那些占领时期所留下的建筑都保存得这么好？甚至已变成这些城市建筑里最美的元素。那我们是否应该感谢曾被占领过呢？否则那里来这么好的建筑艺术。 　　

　 前一阵子我去北京王府井闲逛时看到一个外国教堂，教会对教堂的建筑外观通常都很讲究的，那整个教堂就维持的就很好。因为王府井的整条街都是近代才兴建起的西式办公大楼，看不到任何一栋有传统风格的中式建筑。虽然王府井号称是北京最古老的一条商业街，但我所看到最古老的建筑，却是那座外国教堂。除非有人告诉我这是曾经是满 清的最热闹的商业街，否则我根本就完全看不出来那里曾是所谓的百年老街。台 湾状况也是如此，日本占领时期留下了很多漂亮的巴洛克建筑，台 湾的一些重要的政府机关都还一直沿用这些建筑。这问题跟上海外滩一样都很反讽，台北市最精致的建筑元素也都是当初的占领者所留下来的。大家有没有想过到底问题出在那呢？莫非中式的古建筑不大气，建筑的格局与形式无法适应现代社会的要求！ 　　

　 就我的认知，新加坡可能是一个特外，它是一个由移民的华人所成立的国家，国家本身的历史不长但他们却很重视自己的传统文化，有些旧式的建筑保存得很好，他们认为那是国家的象征，甚至是观光旅游的资源。而且新加坡人大概是所有的华人中最守法的，其国民的法治观念很强，整体而言，素质较高。
　
　 常常我们旅游到了欧洲国家，你会发现他们都很注重与维护自己传统建筑的外观，当地住民也很重视自己独特的节庆。常在传统节日穿戴起自己国家的民族服装，整条街道、整个村庄的人都盛装出席。这点是自诩为文明古国的我们所不及的。我很少，甚至可说没有见过在什么中秋或端午节等传统节日看见我们华人会整个村庄的人特地穿着传统服饰去庆祝。我今天所谈到的都是一些自己的观察和心得，并非严谨的学术调查，因为我想认真的调查起来或许问题更严重。这些发生在你我身边随时随地都在上演的文化现象，各位同学不妨偶尔静下心来观察，绝对会让你有完全不一样的体悟。我一向很关注这些文化现象，有自己所坚持的价值观。后来我的文字因缘际会的跟杰伦的音乐相结合，所以才创作出那么多“中国风”的歌曲来，并且很荣幸的得到了许多人的肯定与喜爱。 　

　 讲到质感的问题，在这里不得不提到日本这个国家。日本人很奇怪，他对中国人一直有种崇古蔑今的心态。他们极度崇拜古代的中国，像《西游记》、《封神榜》、《三国演义》、《水浒传》等典故，他们都很熟悉，甚至比中国内地的一些少 数 民族都还要熟悉。他们不仅崇拜而且还继承下了一些中华文化。比如日本的小学生到现在还有书道比赛，国家也很重视书法这项传统，也并不认为这是外国的东西。如果到东京街头，随便找个路人问他们关羽、张飞、孔子、孙悟空等，他们都知道是谁，甚至已经将他们吸收进自己文化里，并且消化成电动玩具、漫画等等。 　
　
　 我去过日本，发现他们对美学设计是很讲究的，整个城市里的居民穿着打扮都有很自己的风格，也就是有型。街道很干净，连一个排水沟的盖子都有城市的特有标志。整个街道的招牌、店面，都很素雅。他们很重视产品的包装；也很重视古建筑的维护。美学的观念很发达。如果说拿中国文化跟西方文明来强加比较，或许有人会说因为文化的源头不一样，思维本来就会不一样，因为一开始他们的建筑、绘画、音乐等文化的方向就跟我们不一样。如果你是这样认为的话。那么日本就是最好比较的对象了，一样受儒家学说影响并且在使用汉字的东方人，文化源头的同构型很高。但他们对传统文化却很用心去维系，举凡茶道、剑道、书道、能剧，以及成年礼等，还有相扑。相扑是一个国际运动项目，延续了几千年都不曾中断。我觉得这是很值得我们去观察、比较的。

　 一般而言，电影、MV中如有需要出现婚丧的场景，有需要唯美的画面时，通常剧组都会整队拉去教堂拍摄，或是到充满十字架的墓园取景。就算没有受过正统美学的教育和训练，一般我们人的眼睛都还是会凭直觉分辨出好跟不好，美与不美。每当我看到犹太人逃难的纪录片时，我就深感讶异，五、六十年前犹太人逃难时的穿著，甚至在市区被德军集体遣送时的服装都是很整齐，有一定的素质：男性都穿西装大衣，戴帽子；女性则都会拿个小皮夹，或拎个皮包之类的；也没看到任何一个犹太小孩是打赤脚的。此时他们的身份是难民，但其民族整体表现出来的教育水平，则很令人敬佩与感慨。犹太人是一个很优秀的民族，这个民族出了许许多多几乎与其人口数等量的科学家与艺术家，对人类文明的贡献是很大。我个人觉得他们是个质感很高的民族。我以前在想为何关于二次大战跟犹太人相关的电影拍不完呢？原来因为他们之中很多人都是科学家、艺术家，每个人对美学的追求有基本的素养，整个民族文化的有一定层次的水平，所以这里面很多关于心理层面的故事可以发掘用来拍电影。但关于我们被日军侵略迫害的电影，至今我还没有看到一部很好看、拍的有质感的。我常在反思，到底是因为我们的电影工业不强，还是因为种族的心理层面很肤浅，没有东西可以发掘的？如果你个人不要求与累积身为人的质感，最后极可能就会影响到整体文化份量的累积。
　
　 举个最极端的例子。假设一百年前有颗陨石从外层空间掉到地球，刚好就落在中国的正中央，整个中华民族从此消失了，但旁边的国家都完全没有被波及。那么回过头来看百年后的今天，现阶段世界上各项的科技文明，与现代化的生活水平都还是会维持着，没有丝毫的影响。并没有因为我们消失了，整个人类文明倒退一百年。现代文明会不中断的持续，还是一样会发明手机、DV、电话、网络、飞机和汽车等，所有的物质文明一样都不会缺少。因为一百年前，我们的国家和民族处于十分衰落的境地，对世界的文明进展并没有太大的贡献。简而言之，假设一百年前中华民族彻底绝灭了，我们来看现在的科技文明，也不会缺少了什么东西。还有受过大学教育的人都知道，当你学习晋升到某个阶段时都会直接读英文原文书，尤其是医学、数学、物理、化学等领域。也就是摆明了说，近代的汉字文明有其严重的断层，读到某些高等教育时，汉字就完全无用武之地，再也无法提供学习所需的养份了。 　

　 教育是提升民族质感一个很关键的因素。如果一个民族不重视现代化的教育，对自己的传统文化又缺少认同感，长期以往，教育的资源分配不均，造成本国人民的素质参疵不齐，你可能人口很多，但并没有等量的优秀。当然在座的各位同学无庸置疑的都很优秀，是金字塔顶层出类拔粹的北大学生，但若跟内地庞大的人口数相比，人数还是少的可怜。反观犹太人，犹太人大概是世界上种族质感最高的民族之一了。犹太人虽然颠沛流离，去很多国家都被歧视，受到很多限制，比如不得从事什么工作等，但在这种环境下，他们反而更努力地去维系与巩固自己的传统文化，对自身民族的文化认同感很强。一个民族一定要对自己文化有很强的认同感，才会塑造出自己的风格，形成自己的美学观，这无形中也带动了国家创意产业的发展。我今天强调的是，如果个人不重视与提升自己的质感，不管是在教育训练、穿着打扮、以及美学设计等各个方面，那么你我这个没有质感的个体，将会像癌症般慢慢的影响它周遭的人事物。最后，影响到一个团体、一个公司、甚至一个城市、一个社会，以及一整个民族。 　　

　 我希望大家先从重视自己本身所谓“华人”的民族气质与质感开始。除了使用与欣赏国际名牌的质感外，同时也要了解那些品牌之所以能够在国际市场屹立不摇的原因，正是因为他们对美学品味的追求从不懈怠。你不能只是为了暴发户式的证明你穿戴得起名牌，但却对自己服装上的褡配品味完全不会，或者根本不协调。名牌在你身上反而呈现出俗艳的质感。例假日时我自己常在台北郊区开车闲逛，眼睛每次总会停留在刚刚惊鸿一瞥路过的日式官舍、闽南式四合院，以及古厝周遭景色调性很一致的风景上。如果你可以在一百年前就展开环绕全球性的自助旅行，那你肯定是很幸福的，因为那时还没有全球化，所有国家的建筑都具备浓厚的本民族特色。譬如你到了越南的河内，看到的就是越式风情；到东京，看到的就是和式建筑；不论去到任何一个国家与民族，他们穿的衣服和城市的建筑都有着很鲜明的本民族特色。这时你看到的是一个完整的，传承自身文化的国家，没有外来的文化杂质，整座城市，不论是传统建筑，人民身上的服饰，其文化的调性都很一致，可以想象那真是一种铺天盖地属于本民族极致美学的画面。

　 但现在因为全球化的缘故，所有民族的传统服饰、所有国家的建筑、所有的价值观、所有的美学几乎都被现代化了，也就是所谓的西化，大家都采取同一种标准在看事情。像工厂同一套模具的输出品一样，城市与城市间的建筑，人民与人民间的穿著，格局越来越像，打扮越来越一样。我觉得这真的很可惜，很多不同文化体系的美不见了，很多独特的思维也就会跟着消失了。我们会重视物种的灭绝，假如青蛙、蝴蝶消失了一两个品种，就觉得很可惜。可是对于自己的文化、语言、文字正在快速的消失，我们难道就没有查觉那里不对劲吗？没有任何警觉吗？ 　
　
　 我一直都很喜欢汉字，尤其是传统的繁体字，是因为汉字是现今世界上唯一的表意文字，其它所有的文字都是拼音文字。不论是从拉丁文衍生出的法文、英文、德文，或是中东世界通用的阿拉伯文，或是我们亚洲近邻的韩文、泰文、以及日本的假名等，这些全都是以字母为发音基楚的拼音文字，地球上现还在通用并且流传的活文字里，唯有汉字是唯一一种尚在使用的表意文字，这是一项何等骄傲的事情啊！在现今强调物种多元、文化多元的国际社会，相异于基督教文明与回教传统的东方文化，其地位显得很特别。维护中华文化中独一无二与无可被取代的特性，更显其有意义。最后恳请大家重视今天所讨论的议题，当一个有质感的华人，就从你我间的改变开始……谢谢大家！

Morning Call

I got a call from Ajhan Keng in the morning, the day before his departure to Thailand.

It's a surprize that Ajhan will speak in that way to me, asking how am I in NS, how was the cemetery meditation yesterday night(he was ammused when I told him I fall alseep.)

I told him I still have 1 year of NS to go when he asked about my remaining days in NS, he said, "Don't worry, 1 year passes very quickly one. Your 'Bat'(Alms-Bowl) is still there waiting for you, anytime when you are ready."

=D
He is quite sure that I'll return to the Sangha one day.

局限天定，原本无限

到了极限的我，才看到自己的极限。
错不在事而在心。
何必把心思寄托在别人？
该做的照做，该说的照说。
有志愿的人是我，不是他们。
我的存在是无常的，更何况是他们？

心不应该存有贪嗔。
有则贪，无则嗔，这样的我是个愚痴人。

无根之树风能移。
破帆之船寸难行。

随意被得失动摇的我就如无根的树。
抵御不了困境的我就如破落的船帆。

遇到局限的我，更需要超越自己。
局限可以限制事情，但是限制不了我的心。

帝王豪杰 有几人？
大成之人 世稀有。
大志由我 怀中成，
冰川干涸 心不移。

修巴拉密的路不是简单的。
我也不该奢望事情会太过顺利。

何从前一样，我是不会放弃，也不会退缩。
休息一阵，我会继续往前直到终点。

我会找到正确的方法，来通过这个第二关。

守得云开见月明

过去的五年，我努力的在逆境挣扎。无论人事物，天时地利人和，样样都缺。但我依然坚持着，不是为了要证明，我是对的，你是错的。这对我是没有必要，也没有意义的。我在等着的是因缘成熟的那一刻，最终在逆境中取得胜利，解开代代都无法突破的恶性循环。批评的人有很多，不理解所以不合作的人也一箩筐。不懂事，幼稚的人也有。总之就是与不到我需要的人。我相信这些都是考验。没有这些历练，我没有办法成就我的誓言。现在这些已经过去了。在第二阶段还没到来时，我一阵感到轻松愉悦。可是心里已经知道，接下来的，一定比之前的困难，比之前的糟糕。来临的考验却让我恐惧加倍，痛苦加剧。

过去的人外面的苦，外面的麻烦，考的是我的耐力、毅力。现在却是样样都往我的心底刺去，样样都攻击我的弱点、我最不能忍受的事情、最不能忍受的话。难听的话，真的很难听。难道这些都是我应得的吗? 可是当你要求别人去顾虑自己的感受，大多数的人只会替自己的立场辩驳，投诉。有的人会说，“人就是这样的。”我不认同。行为和态度在自己的掌控中。只是懂得体恤别人，愿意去替别人着想的人太少。所以我们才要学习去考虑别人的感受与心情。我自己也会怨，“为什么你不考虑到我的感受？” 可是不久，我就会放弃这样的奢望。因为，愿意为你付出自己的人，必定不是普通的人。我感谢那些在背后，尝试着为我着想的人。

有些话，不该说的不能说。可是，他们选择什么都直直的说。他有多不满，他怎么想，都一一的告诉你。对事情有利的话道是很少听到。这都间接的打击我的信心。很巧的，全部都击中我最担心的事。
但我又看见，这不是为了攻击我而来的，他只是想把感受让你知道。看似一种至高无上的尊敬，应为，没有绝对信任，我看没人敢这样说。因为会对人得罪不潜。有些很明白的事情，他们却看不懂。我必须象一个白痴一样，去重复一个极简单的话，还要从头解释到尾，来龙去脉解释的解释。是我太聪明吗？还是我太笨，语无伦次？真是哑子吃黄连。。。 那种小事，却可以让你胸口充满闷气，疼痛穿心到你要打人，气到要跺脚，眼泪欲奔流，却干如枯河，欲哭无泪。

到了这一刻，我退一步看。发现其实这些都没什么。因为让情绪干扰了我的视线，往往在看见事情建设性的一面之前，就被负面的感受折磨，无法自拔。这一切攻击的是我最脆弱的一面，忍耐。

如果我要继续向前走，接下来所需要的，就是自己的修行。虽然我很明白，达到终点的起承转折，知道该如何做，该做什么，需要什么。但是，忍耐不了的心，没有办法突破挫折与艰辛，只会在麻烦上个自己增加麻烦和死结。就如，一个拥有地图的旅人，因为敌不过爬山涉水的苦，而选择退缩。知道路也不会抵达终点。

自己要继续修，努力修，才有能耐去打开这条正法的路。有本事授这个身份，就要有能力面对属于我的挑战。我会成功的。他不忍我，我要忍他。他不体谅我，我要体谅他。须要忍的，就必须要忍。要度过的委屈，最后还是要渡过。我认了这种宿命。佛说“忍耐是最高的苦行。”真的很辛苦。我需要忍巴拉密，去解决需要解决的问题，方能守得云开见月明。

对抗嗔毒

经过一番沉思，佛陀的一句话浮现：

Having killed anger you sleep in ease.
Having killed anger you do not grieve.
The noble ones praise the slaying of anger
— with its honeyed crest & poison root —
for having killed it you do not grieve.

Samyutta Nikaya 1.71, Ghatva Sutta

我写下这八个字...这是决心。

莫恨，但勿忘

我在‘民族記憶，華夏神韻（民族文化主題博客）’ 里的留言处，读到一位叫‘狼~诚~’的留言。
内容令我十分震惊、哀痛。我在这篇留言里，感受到愤怒与不甘。如下：


在英语中，英国人用后缀"-ese"来表示那些他们认为"低等的"、"不重要的"、"弱小的"、"怪异的"、"带有疾病的"、"从虫子演变而来的"种族";他们蔑视和厌恶这些种族。

这些种族包括中国人、日本人、越南人、葡萄牙人。(Chinese、Japanese、Vietnamese、Portuguese)。他们 用"-ese"来羞辱我们，同时他们用后缀"-an"来表示那些所谓"优等"的种族，例如美国人、加拿大人、英国人、德国人、加州人、德州 人。(American、Canadian、Britain、German、Californian、Texan)。

肮脏的西方白种人。过不了几十年，一定把它们踩到脚下。
肮脏的西方白种人它们屠杀我们的人民，火烧我们的圆明园等，绝不能像懦夫一样忘记。

你要 记住 记住 记住 我们近现代祖先们所受的伤害，耻辱绝不能就这样算了。决不能，决不能。

现在我们是处在当前世界格局的“和平、发展”阶段。
但以后绝绝绝不可能会一直这样。

西方白种人枪抢抢先占领它们称之为“北美洲、南美洲、大洋州，”还有非洲，亚洲。然后大批移民，屠杀当地人，现在形成当今的，美国，加拿大，澳大利亚，等以白种人，基督教，西方文明为主的新兴国家。

而我们呢，在近代在清朝少数满族人统治中国，关闭自首，禁海令，文字狱等愚化，压迫，我们的民族，是在明晚期社会风气开放等几乎和当时的英国处于同一起跑线，这也是好多历史书上强调比较的。使我们当时最有能力强大的人力，物力去改造世界，

但我们错过了，直接导致我们近现代被动的局面，更危险的是，西方已经包围我们，

最可怜的在东南亚的华侨的屈辱史，现在又有多少人记得她们呢。

我留意到，作者在提起西方人都使用“它”字。这种排斥其他族群的精神，我不鼓励，也不赞同。但并不表示我默许他族对我i汉族的文化侵袭与侮辱攻击。我如果象洋人对待我们的方法对待他人，那我和‘它’们又有何区别？

我们不应该恨，但我们不能忘，也不可以对此一无所知。恨和耻辱可以忘，但是教训不能忘。
我要更爱惜传统。

工艺的奥妙

引一段日本民艺专家、手工艺人盐野米松所说的话，他说：

“当没有了手工业以后，我们才发现，原来那些经过人与人之间的磨合与沟通之后制作出来的物品，使用起来是那么适合自己的身体，它们自身都是有体温的，这体温让使用它的人感觉到温暖。”

所以我追求手工艺的物品。今天的社会，正缺乏着“用心”，“人情”。

非常感谢那些替我说了我想说又说不出的话，替我做我想做又做不到的事。

自从，我入汉服复兴的道路后，就一直在关注汉服制作的面料问题。因为，当今可以说没有适合汉服，这样的服装的面料了。现在，“明华堂”等人在研制“缂丝”，让我看到了汉服重现的光芒。

在这以外，对于图样，材料，也有这些有能力，又素质的人在投入，实在是一件喜讯。
我深深的明白，汉服的材料必须特别为汉服而制作，现今的传统样式的布料，都做不出一件像样的汉服来。

为了汉服复兴，重建华夏，大家各尽所能，各司一处，很快就会复兴成功的。

墨舞茶会

和明根约好一道去茶渊品茗，白牡丹。然后，起笔挥毫，与他分享我所领悟的书法和经验。
笔墨，茶壶。。。好久不见，我那冷落一旁的生活情趣。

奇妙的事情，所后而来。我的心宁静，喜悦。在我回家的路途上，站在地铁车厢里的人群中，我沉入了自己的宁静和喜悦。一直到现在。

好久不见的宁静。。。有五年了吧。。。好比那年的夜雨一般。

然后，走着，我看着我手中的折扇。回想刚才的一切，“是什么”？

原来是“心”。真诚，纯洁的心。用心用心。

用心原来一直都在鼓励着我。今天的我，我的善的一切，都是因为用心。
用心去做，用心去听，用心去学，用心去看，用心去爱。。。用心每一个细节，每一人，每一物，每一刻。用心使我宁静。

用心将会成就我的未来。
原来是你，我找到了内心一直都存在的原动力。

现在起，用心是我的座右铭。
有心的一切，都会活过来。

当心碰到心，它们会感应，会相遇。
当心碰到无心，无心会失去那用心之心。

只是纯纯的去用心体会。体会一切。一切的真实。包括善恶。
用心，可以包容太虚。
无执，苦受当灭。

痛不在用心，在执著。

静中取自然，太和万物兴。

直的到现在，我在用心的写。

Threading the heart

Many students find it hard to get a white long pants for their retreat. So I decided to make some white sarongs for the young practitioners, since sarongs is easier to sew. This meritorious thought, sparked it's wholesome results very quickly.

I only had 3 days, and I've got to come out with as many as I can. So I quickly buy white cloth, and borrowed a sewing machine from Ming gen at his house.

I actually intended to sew sarong, but I find it weird to let the uncle know, so I say, it's for making pants. But I missed out that, the measurements for pants and sarongs are different. SO too bad, I have to make pants out of it cloths.

But I'm quite bad at making pants. Don't really know how. But I try... haha Just to piece the cloth up into something wearable.

Here come Ming Gen's mum. She saw that way I cut the cloth for a pants is wrong. so She start teaching me how to do it in the proper way. That amazed Ming gen as he never knew his mum knows needlework.

This is where I learn. From getting the measurements, cutting the cloth is the right way, lastly the way to piece them up together. Starting from the edges ( which is the crouch part), next is the top (waist part), and then the legs part.

Not knowing the nature of the sewing machine and the cloth, many sewing techniques I applied was wrong. It turned out that all the measurements are imbalanced and lost the mark, resulting is extras, slanting of the clothes... etc...

His mum said something which I kept in mind, as I see Dhamma in it. "Sewing is something that requireds delicate skills and precision. A little mistakes makes a big difference."

Indeed I lack skill in this, and I need more practice. That makes me appreciate all the clothings I see, because I heard that sewing is something can't rely totally on robots. Clothes workshop still requires semstress. What we wear today, what we use, all is accumulated skills and experience.

I also appreciate sewing more, that its another meaningful skill I should pick up.

Besides that, she also gave me alot of encouragement,although at many points I can see her controlling her words, making it more refine... LOL... I think she know I'm disappointed.

When I'm sewing and applying what I was taught, I also understand some teachings. Sewing is also like teaching Dhamma, or even straightening ourselves.

We must know the steps, and the right techniques to apply, at the right place, dealing with the problems arisen. Besides experience, we must have paitence. Think carefully, else undoing is an extra work.

Indeed, anything can be used to be a reminder of truths, the law for things to work well are all the same. You need, interest, effort, mindfulness and the ability to review and improve.

It's about practice and refining it. Same to the mind, to meditation and our characters. The more we practice, the more we are skilled. Mindfulness and sharpness of the mind comes together, partly because we are skilled in that particular thing.

For the sake of Hanfu as well, I must master the sewing techniques well, so that I can sew the best Hanfu and let it reappear in the world in honor.

The Buddha praised capability and vast in knowledge. He encouraged people to learn a handy skill. Capable people in both mundane skills and dhamma are praised and of good benefit to others and oneself.

Now I've something more to pick up... which adds on to meanings in my life.

Sewing is also a noble art, I feel.... a treasure, because it is a high skill. The understanding to textile and the dynamics of clothings by the masters are deep and vast. If it's a useful knowledge, it is a treasure isnt it?

I'll work on the pants for practioners once I've grasp the basic techniques well.
I want to master it well.

Dana filled with Jewels

Recalling back at the Beginning of the month...

Yao Feng actually wanted to dana some stones to the consecration of the Om Koi Chedi; Ajhan Keng's forest Monastery in the mountain tribes of northern thailand.

But too bad it was sealed already. Later I heared, the Buddha statue is still unsealed, I quickly urged Yao feng to do his dana before too late.

At first, I was dubious about the "stones". What stones? Are they very precious?
Later he showed it to me, I was so shocked... It was Gem stones! SO Many of them...
Besides Gemstones, there are rings and Republic silver coins. All these are genuine stuffs. Not some fake products. It was part of his private collections. Taking part of his collections to Dana, I also Anumodana and rejoiced this giving. It's really a good Dana.

The thought and the heart that is willing to take out things considered precious in the world, to honor the Buddha, is really great. Each time I see the Gems, and thinking that it is going to be offered to the Buddha, I'm filled with excitement and happiness! Even Now...

We were discussing how can we bring the gems over the customs. Because the gems were well protected in boxes as if it is meant for selling.

So I suggested, why not get a Small Chedi, and put all the gems in. I looks nice, and doesn't look as if for trading. I'm thinking of giving out some of the Buddha relics I had, to the Buddha-Rupam at Om koi also.

(Taken By Ming Gen's DSLR)

In the same time, I can honor to the Buddha Rupa with gems and relics, and honor the Relics with a Chedi filled with gems.

So we went together to get a suitable chedi. After many rounds of price comparing, searching for a really suitable one, we finally decided. I didn't expect that the gems need such a large Chedi to hold. And when we pour the gems over, it filled the Chedi to the brim, almost cannot close. We got to adjust the position of the gems, then it can shut tight...

(Taken By Ming Gen's DSLR)

To let Ajhan know what the Chedi contains, and also to let those who know about this Dana rejoice. I requested Yao Feng to put down a list of the Gems contained in side.

A closer look at the Gems... The Relic is too small, but it's buried by the Gems.

This is a great giving to be remembered, which always brings me joy each time I think about it.
May All Rejoice! Sadhu~! Sadhu~! Sadhu~!

By the Merit accrued:

May I be Victorious in all ways!
May I be free from pain and distress.
May I attain Nibbana in this very existence.

I dedicate this Merit to all:
May you be Awakened to the true Dhamma!
May you be free from pain and distress.
May all your wholesome wishes by fulfilled.
May you attained Nibbana.

Samvega (Urgency)

I am subject to aging, illness and death.

I have not gone beyond aging, illness and death. How can I be negligent?
Cultivate Merit and assure a good future!

I have not gone beyond aging, illness and death. How can I be negligent?
Develop Samadhi and attain equanimity!

I have not gone beyond aging, illness and death. How can I be negligent?
Attain Nibbana and go beyond aging, illness and death!

Bounded by Darkness(delusion)

Shouldn't I seek Light?

I have a choice to do away with pain...
I should not be heedless.

Right pace is neccessary for progress

Something just strike me... While I was talking to a junior online.

At that instance, I looked back at the past, all that has happened and done...

Things require time to grow, forcing it is no difference from the Chinese proverb 拔苗助长。
Every person has their own pace. Some are faster, some are slower, some just never grow.

Right condition with the right amount of effort is necessary for success to happen, nothing comes simply by will and force alone.

Patience is needed.

To make teach people to do the right things, think the right way, can't be done simply telling them what is right and wrong and what should be done.

I need to educate them patiently, nurturing their understanding and capabilities, until they see it for themselves.

It's not a forced law, but a corrected view which is needed.

Wrong views leads to wrong actions. They can't be removed by forced rules, but correcting of views.

Wrong learning - > Wrong practice -> Wrong realization -> Wrong sharing -> Wrong learning
Right learning -> Right practice ->Right realization -> Right sharing -> Right learning

It seems that the condition is still not there. At least, some distance from the goal.
But if it is the merit of the members to meet with such things, it really can't be helped.

The Dhamma corrects wrong view to right view, this is the objectives of Buddha's teaching.
The only way I can see is guidance and correcting of views. The source for right view must be there, working within their capacity, keeping them not too far astray.

I should feed the right amount of nutrients and not eagerly forcing them to grow.

The Dhamma is there to guide them, my personal development plays a big role as well.
Unfortunately, they are not those who can speak equivalents yet.
Even the leaders themselves need to be taught like a student.

But I wish, May we be on same ground, or even higher.

May they not be intoxicated in youth and health which is bound to pass away.
May the not be blinded by ignorance.
Understand that they must one day, leave everything behind.
May they all, not miss the chance to know the ending of sorrow to completeness.

Compliments for 'Dear Death' Art Performance

I managed to get 4 free tickets for this performance.
The number of audience is bitterly less, but the claps is loud and clear.

It's really a great performance. I didn't expect it to be something so Dhamma.
Other than the venue, which I find, too small, too close to audience, everything else is great!

The singing, the movements, the traditional dance is so graceful, the costume, the Dhamma Pali quotes chosen was all good and accurate, even it's pronounciation. They story is fine. It is exquisite and poetic.

The performers are professional and good. Traditional dance... there is one particular move, where 1 leg rests with the kneel cap only, and the other leg seating. I saw the performer balancing himself. It is a difficult move. But is is beautiful, the person on the floor is as if flying.
The dance makes the people look really like Devatas. Sound good, Look good. Haha... Moving as if flying, with happy faces, as if liberated...

The show falls mainly on the Buddha's teaching about death, the Dhamma and also the perspective of Death from the Director, Punnasak Sukee.

I missed the front few parts, because I'm late. But I'll buy the tickets and watch it once more.
It only has 3 days, 13, 14, 15 Feburary.

This "Dear Death" talks about the unsettled young grandson as his grandmother is passing away soon. He is worried, and perplexed.

He was in the dream, when I stepped in half way.

He reflects on the Dhamma he heard before, the pain from separation, from attachment, sorrow, fear, helplessness. He feel the pain.

At one part he was really reflecting what most people are today!
Lead by material gains, living unconsciously, going round and round, round and round, in laughter and sorrow, laughter and sorrow. Doing nothing about the surest thing "death"

There the Dhamma was contemplated,
"life is uncertain, death is certain.

We are subject to death.

Nothing belongs to us”

Finally,

Sabbe Dhamma Nalam Abhinivesaya!
Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to.

In the show "HE" the one, with utmost glory, like that of a celestial being, is the representation of Death. HE seats on the gold chariot, with a golden body, endowed with Dhamma and happiness, lead by many beautiful and handsome fairies. He is gentle, full of sympathy.

This HE, put on the role to ease the grandson's heart.

Grandson was realizing his ignorance. He has heard, "Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to...and all other Dhamma" but yet he see himself, that he is still ignorant, still unawakened. and he questions, WHY?

This shows the understanding of Dhamma in the director.

HE answers his doubts, by pointing out many things, answering in a poetic and deep manner, it goes something like this:

"Will you take my grandma away?"
"I seperates no one..."

He went on telling, the way to awakening is to let go of "Self", that idea. In doctrine, that is sotapanna stage, a 1st level saint out of the 4 levels.

HE told him these, as the way:

"Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya"
Live consciously and alert on the "Time".

What time does the Buddha meant? This the actual word of the Buddha as well. It means the time of death.

but grandson carries on to be emotional and despair about the arriving death of his grandma.

and HE repeatedly tell him, "Be Awakened".

"Nothing belong to us."

"Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to."

This emphasis carries on to a extend, where suddenly there comes the dancing devas singing the verse "Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya", repeatedly, in a heavenly manner.

and Grandson come into sense, and finally understood, "Yes I should live consciously and alert on the 'Kala'."

The grandma at the ending, said something striking to me, which I consented by nodding my head, actually I've been nodding many times in the show. It's the same to what I know, what I felt as well.

1 part, the grandma said, "I've no regrets, I'm aware of my good Kamma and merits."

When HE came again, on his golden chariot, came and brought the grandma, to Chuala Mani pagoda (a pagoda in 33 heavens, that enshrines the hair of the Buddha), the grandson, said something that trigger my Dhamma sense again,"When I saw, grandma was brought away, I am distressed. But looking at the smiles of my grandma, and the devata's smiles, I'm happy for grandma. One day I'll be the one on the chariot, and I know I'll see you again. I live consciously, aware of "Kala"."

There is another interesting conversation, where grandma says,
"HE say he will come again at night"
"Late night? When?"
"Maybe."
"Unpredictable. Life is uncertain, but Death is certain."

Beautifully expresses the uncertainty of life. Poetically.

There is another. This grandson is good in poetry.
He describes this body, as a station.
He says, "The station meant for us to leave it." Well we don't stay at the station forever, it is a temporary stay.

There are still some Dhamma quotes, but I fail to remember them exactly.

I really like to reccommend this show to Buddhists and none buddhist alike.
It is reflective, entertaining, and beautiful. Especially educational in Dhamma for Buddhists.

If there is DVDs on this performance I'll definately buy one. But less likely, I feel.

The director's intention of his shows are for the teachings of the Buddha. Just like his previous work, "Dancing to Nirvana." I've read about it, another very interesting storyline.

He said very well,
“We should understand death before our death."

Reading on Dancing to Nirvana, the previous work, he also sees the current situation on Buddhist world:

"My life goal is not to get rich but to seek wisdom, so I study more and more, and have discovered many truths.

For example, although Thailand is a Buddhist country, the way Buddhism is taught in school is not quite right.

The more I study Dharma by myself, I find that we lack discipline in our study and practice of Buddhism."

"I'd like to show how contemporary people are suffering, while trying to find ways out of this life of hardship,"

"From the beginning, we haven't been properly introduced to Buddhist teachings - we now don't really understand them and can't apply them to real life. We've been engulfed in the streams of materialism, so much so that we can't reach the true meaning of Buddhism."

Lastly, being a good Dhamma education material.
The way Dhamma was brought up, resembles what I wanted to do for the previous 41st Annviersary of SPBS. A artistic performance that speaks the Dhamma. I'm glad that I can get to know, that this kind of performance actually existed already and the Dhamma is accuratly potrayed.

After finishing the Show, I have the urge to Sadhu them.

I can summarise the main message of the show with what Ajhan Fuang has once said,

"As soon as we're born, we're sentenced to death
— just that we don't know when our turn will come.
So you can't be complacent.
Start right in and develop all your good qualities to the full
while you still have the chance."

Once again,

Nothing Belongs to us.
Life is uncertain but Death is certain.

Sabbe Dhamma Nalam Abhinivesaya!
Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to.

Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya
Live consciously and alert on the "Time".

I'll refine this reflection when I watched the 2nd time.
I might be taking notes...HAHA

It's a no regrets watching this performance. But I regret about the number of audiences they had. Maybe the publicity wasn't good enough.

If there is opportunity, I might want to see more of their performances in the future, and also the past work "Dancing to Nirvana".

My Valentines Day

This is the 1st time I had activities on Valentines Day. It's a busy day.
Since the morning I'm racing for time.

I'm suppose to go for a performance call "Dear Death" by Bangkok University, Dept of Performing Arts this afternoon.

It all happens from a SMS yesterday, where MX promised to reply on fri whether is she able to attend the performance... It all started where she mentioned, "It's for valentines!" then I realise, it was valentines day on 14 Feb. I was never aware or took notice about valentines. Just not bothered to be aware about it.

I remember my NS friend shawn mentioned he wanted to make paper roses bouquets for some of his friends for Valentines and I thought, "Hmm.. Since she reminded me about it, maybe I should prepare a gift for Valentines."

It was on friday late afternoon then I started learning on making paper roses from him, and he brought me shopping for materials. By the time I reach home, it is late night liao. I don't want ppl see me making all these... kinda girlish thing..haha... It looks girlish lor.

So I made them when everyone was asleep and went to sleep before dawn. I wouldn't stayed up so late if i had found the material i missed... the green tape for stalks. So I thought... aiyah, morning go buy.

Sleep until 11am jump up... haha start searching for it again, and I found it... quickly finish the thing rose and started on the card.

Thought for some moments...

Came up with this Poem or rather, couplets, not too chim, not too shallow:

人生 彩云 天地换，
唯有 真情 万世长。

Literal Translation:
Life and Time changes with Heaven and Earth(means: Everything)
Only true feelings carry on for 10 thousand years(means: Forever)

It means:
Everything in life changes, only genuine feelings stays forever.

This is a fresh experience, I'm portrayed as a "Hardcore Religious Person", but today I'm going to be a 风流才子... haha, romantic and talented person. That's the nature of Libra's what... = )

After everything is done, start locating the receivers liao... by that time is 12.30am and the race for time begins.

1pm leave house, chiong to punggol... Taxi is sooo had to get... finally reach FGS, presented the gift, search for taxi to COLLECT TICKET! Sian Diao... it's already 1.40pm!!!

(These people are interesting... Valentines Days Squat in temple study... Zzzz, but I'm fine with it. Haha)

Worse, the place I'm in is 鸟不生蛋，一片荒野。A helpful auntie advised me where I can get a Taxi. I got to walk all the way down to the HDB area. Heng Heng in 10mins, I get a Cab, and fly to Indoor Stadium... Another 鸟不生蛋，鸡不拉屎 Place... Worse than Punggol. That was 2.00pm.

Again, heng heng, a empty taxi came, after 15mins. Quickly wave and chiong to esplanade. 2.30pm liao. Lucky Indoor stadium and esplanade not far away, and meet up with YF and LB.

Phew...First time race until like that. I know I'm going to spent alot this time on Taxi, specially prepared funds for it. Then I cracked a joke to them about missing parts of the performance, "Things isn't that perfect today, this shows that valentines day is not meant for 3 guys gatherings, like us."

Although we missed the 1st part of the performance, but it is still a marvelous performance to us, they way it portrayed the story, the music, the song, the pali buddhist quotes, the way the sing the Gathas... the way they dance and the costume... SOOOO nice! As great, as majestic as our Chinese arts!

It is a great show, with great meanings.
Most importantly, the Buddhist aspect of it is accurate, even it's pronunciation is precise!

I prepared 2 gifts for 2 different ladies. but the 2nd one didn't managed to pass to her leh... Hai~
I didn't want to bring 2 boxes put in a plastic bag or what... So Orh Biang... I only brought the punggol one out, and thinking to collect the 2nd one from home.

But by the time i reach home is night time le. She say no need to rush so far away to pass her that, can pass next time, it's ok. I'm not use of giving belated presents, but no choice, in the end got to gave up the idea, and pass the gift to her next time liao...

She asked what about ZL and the rest? I say, "Only made for selected few." On the other hand, I'm thinking inside me... Valentines presents... man give man...Roses?? Eeee...So weird.

Maybe a blue one...haha... Blue Roses actually means "We are Impossible." But I realise some people give their GF's Blue roses. If that girls knows the message behind the colours, she will be like, "What have I done wrong?? = ("

But I guess both of the guy and girl is ignorant of these hidden messages bah... Hai~
Or maybe the girl like blue roses?

Anyway, it's a Interesting Day.

I do get shy and nervous when I need to do these mushy things, like giving presents to girls, or hanging out 1 to 1 with another girl, even though it's nothing or proposing, or courting.
Heh...some phobia from bad and nasty experiences in the past, lack of confidence.

But no, I must go through this barrier, must be nothing to afraid. Not I see girls shy, is girls see me will shy, like that... if not I'll have an extra barrier.

I'm going to experience and learn, what is it like to do all these tender loving care things... to... girls (today's girls aren't tender and loving leh... Haha!) See the heart, see the mind, understand how it works... That will be good for practice, see will 动凡心 or not.
Then next time I can draw reliable self-experiences as examples for Dhamma explanation mah...

I can see my heart pumping actually... haha... never do this kinda thing before.

Also, if I can, maybe try... how's a relationship is like personally...
Why so pain? Is it because of the nature of relationship, or it is all about mental qualities and method of managing?
Why stressful?
Why so happy?
Can it be joyful, harmonious and full of greatness of true Metta?

If I'm being thrown into a relationship, I will 方寸大乱, dunno what to do ah... Haha...

Drawing example from Buddha, he isn't virgin!
But he had gotten the best wife on earth, who truly loves.

Who can endure husband go become a monk? She must be of noble love! In the end, his wife, his son, also become arahants, free from pain of life, dwell in utmost happiness.

People don't understand, but this is how the Buddha loves. A loving mother cannot free her child from the misery of separation, aging, illness and death. We can't bear to see our love ones in pain, how can we help?
He don't want to be trapped in this dilemma, he don't want to be helpless. For the freedom from the misery of separation, aging, illness and death, he seek the path.

The more he love, the more he part them for lasting happiness. He did it. Just an example.

Or like Maha Kassapa and his wife. I find that many romantic stories in the Suttas. And the level of love, is really true and great. It is noble and pure, full of wisdom and warmth.

That's the state, I'm always seeking.

My "Yasodhara"

If I ever found my "Yasodhara",
my wonderful companion,
I'll seek the path to happiness, even more,
out of true love.

The more I love,
the more I should seek freedom,
for myself, for her.

Leaving everything behind,
seeking the path earnestly,
My heart, as the Buddha's love,
will be purer and true along the way.

She takes care of my needs and well-being,
my parents, my child and the family.
Setting my heart at ease,
for the pursuit of awakening.

Her loneliness might be a regret,
but my company will never set her free,
from aging, illness and death.

Because of that,
striving is my duty,
for her lasting happiness.

With a warm, gentle and soft voice,
I'll tell her by her ears, before I part,
"Because I Love you truly and pure,
therefore I seek eternal happiness."

That is the greatest happiness I can give,
that is the best happiness I should give.
The freedom from all fears, all discontentment,
all suffering.

Only my "Yasodhara" can Love to this extend,
no others are capable of loving to such purity.

We might seek the path together,
Loving based on only Love.
Beyond possessing,
beyond sensuality.

When eternal happiness is achieved,
All beings are benefited.

There we dwell in everlasting happiness,
and immeasurable Love.

If "Yasodhara" was never found,
my wonderful companion,
I'll seek the path to happiness, even more,
out of true love to all my love ones.

The more I love,
the more I should seek freedom,
for myself, for everyone.

That love,
pure,
unchanging,
everlasting,
limitless,
is what I seek,
is my final aim.

Once, a NS friend asked everyone on the table,
"Would you be the one dominating? or be dominated in a relationship?"

I refuse to answer.
But he keep probing me to answer. I passed a comment, "No lah, I don't want to offend people."

Until he say, "I really want to know your comments, I want to learn."
Then I reply, "I feel this question is shallow. Summarized: Love is not about dominating. But it may involves leadership. If we think on who should dominated, you'll end up quarreling, because most of the time, people see the giver as a victim. Love is really about hope the other party to be happy and well, if not, you are actually in love with yourself, your feelings and your benefits. The "Yue Niang" in Little Nyonya, demonstrates this. Because she truly loves, that is why she can give up him for his benefit, not stubbornly wanted to possess him, and in the end breaking up his family."

I always feel, most people out there, didn't really understand what love is all about.
It is more of affection, attachment and desire.

If got the chance, I'll try out everything I understand about love.

No good thing prospers in ignorance.
The more we understand this flawed universe the more skillfully we can live, and the happier we will be.

We love best when we do not love out of desperation.

-Nothing Higher to live for, Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano

Some movies are weird, but they possess great wisdom, like 情癫大圣。I don't really like it, but I can't help but to agree what the 如来佛祖 told 唐三藏:

如来：
如果我告诉你，你们在一起的时间，只可以维持到今天日落，你觉得呢？

三藏：
我愿意。

如来：
正因如此，你的爱是有限的。你有没有想过，爱一个人，不一定要有结果。

不追求结果，就不会有尽头的一天。

我相信，这女子今天上天庭是打算（为你）牺牲自己，并没有想过要再跟你在一起。

这种不追求结果的爱，才是无限的。(I feel, this part a bit not very right. It is not yet 无限, because this sacrifice is still limited to 三藏 only. I don't feel that she will sacrifice to another one like that, other than 三藏)

We love best when we do not love out of desperation.
-Nothing Higher to live for, Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano

That is my stand too... =)

忍气吞声，为什么？

申冤

断而直言，我独自当。
万般冤屈，我一人扛。

青天不在，
但向何处申冤？

碧海晴空，
何时与我面见？

不忍众生无正道，
法灭心暗彼岸远。

佛祖座下有凡夫，
请佛慈眼解迷津。

当我站起来，开口说话：我发现，我是孤独的。
无能啊无能，我为何不能更强大？自己吞下一切？

为什么当我受尽委屈，没有人替我维护？

我看见希望，世事急迫的需要抢救。
躺在面前的竟然是不成器的人。
不明白，也不细听忠告。

没有能体会我的心情的人。
没有应得的待遇，还要被羞辱教训。
而竟然没有人站出来。

我了解，“他们应为迷惑，所以才会犯错。”
我不应该怪他们。

但是我很心疼，有谁能够体会？心疼迷惑的人，心疼后人要继续受莫名其妙的苦。

几年来的幸苦，无人道感谢。
为了什么？要这样的受苦？
做牛做马还糟讲。
我为什么要忍你的胡闹？
我也不知道。

什么都可以忍。
什么都可以忘。
就是忍不了他们这样的对待。
就是忘不了这样的委屈。

我只希望可以痛哭，
哭出来可以舒服一点。

我的委屈，已经没有什么话可以安抚。
因为我听不下。
在温馨的话，听了也会眼泪直流。

如果知道，男儿有泪不轻弹，
就用你的心来量一量我的冤屈。

我好比当年的关盼盼。

当年徐州名妓关盼盼，被张愔纳为妾。

两年后张愔病逝，只有关盼盼难忘恩情，移居旧宅燕子楼，矢志守节，过着与世隔绝的生活。
十年后，白居易听闻了关盼盼的故事，就写了诗，托人转交关盼盼只见上书：
　　
黄金不惜买娥眉，
拣得如花四五枚。
歌舞教成心力尽，
一朝身去不相随。

关盼盼看到这首诗，立刻大哭一场。她不死，是怕别人误会张愔自私，让爱妾殉身， 反而污辱张愔名声，所以苛延残喘，偷生了这些年，而白居易竟以诗作讽，逼她殉夫，怎么不感到悲伤、愤怒？白居易不同情她的境遇，还认为她应该自杀殉情，简单说就是，“你怎么不去死？”

性情贞烈的关盼盼在十天后绝食身亡。
她临死前念了一句，

儿童不识冲天物，
漫把青泥汗雪毫
———你白居易稚若幼童，怎识得我冰清玉洁。

没有人比我殉情，
但是我那种冤屈可能只有她可以体会。
同样恨在一片真心诚意，却不被理解，反被糟蹋。

更怨旁人视若无事。

我不希望什么回报，
只希望这些人，董事一点，快点长大。
不要再做愚蠢，破坏性的行为了。

儿童不识冲天物，
漫把青泥汗雪毫
你们稚若幼童，
怎识得我深志远虑。

我等着能人贤才，来和我为众生打开解脱门。

A gift and a celebration

Oh Buddha, I'm still human...
Haha... So demoralizing.
Humans will go through dissatisfaction, and worse when it is always due to ignorance...

There is a group of my friends, celebrating birthdays, but when it's my turn, mine wasn't celebrated, but other members, celebrate until like 王母诞，天公诞, like that. Most interestingly, it make me feel a bit weird when I am required to involved in organizing other people's birthday and presents. At least I contributed so much, not even sense of gratitude?

Little acts will give hints of how people feel about you. That's what I believe.

I still remember, they get me out for a dinner gathering, very close to my birthday. I thought it was my turn, but later, my senses tell me, better take it as a normal dinner. Later when I reach there, really... HAHA, no happy birthdays, no presents, no treats, nothing, squeezed my time out of mist of busy times. And I'm always busy, because my comrades neither support or lend their hands.

I felt insignificant.

It's not that I want presents, I want birthday celebrations. Friends who know me well, will understand my character, I don't go for the outside things, but the intent and sincerity. Some actions just show that there is a lack of sincerity and respect.

After all, I don't feel that's what I deserve from them. But what to do? I just got to accept it, that I might be in the lower priority to them.

Maybe because I go for the heart, that's why I become more difficult to appease? If people is really sincere, even if it's a thank you card, I means a lot. No need what expensive gifts or what. But, some people might take it as, he 随便 one lah, so 随便 do. Since there is no sincerity involve, how do I appreciate? But I still accept them in thanks.

A sincere gift, a sincere card, a sincere meal, has it's significance.

I must learn to give without asking for a repay, but I now must learn to give even people pay you back negative things.

The most happy occasion I went to, was SIMBB's Anniversary. Because I felt that my genuine heart was appreciated and acknowledged truly by their founder. And I really thanked, partly because of these.

Actually, at many point, there are tears in me, but no one sees. I felt happy that their founder has a bunch of friends, their com members, who truly appreciates and love her, such a delicate crowd.

Yet I felt abit sad, when I see how my people treat me. Like a abandoned parent, I was even told to do things for them, like as if it's my duty. I wasn't treat like a friend, not even basic respects as senior.

Still, I serve, because of their benefits, and for those who yet to come. Just got to accept, forget it, and carry on; Strong, Steady and Sincere as before.

Wise sayings

Recently, I recalled a phrased once told to be by a senior, but I can't get the full sentence. Later my senior told me that it was from "Awareness Itself" by Ajhan Fuang Jotiko.

I always has this problem. I'll get affected emotionally when I can't help some people to resolve their problems. My senior will then say ,"Arh u see, Kena Burn by others liao". To make me understand my foolishness, he quoted this from the Book:

"When you want to teach other people to be good, you have to see how far their goodness can go. If you try to make them better than they can be, you're the one who's being stupid."

Somethings, just can't be helped. I need something call "Equanimity". Sometimes, getting emotional over it doesn't serve much purpose.

"How good or bad other people are is their own business.
Focus on your own business instead."

"Other people criticize us and then forget all about it,
but we take it and keep thinking about it.
It's as if they spit out some food and we pick it up and eat it.
When that's the case, who's being stupid?"

"Beware of fall-in-the-well kindness: the cases where you want to help other people, but instead of your pulling them up, they pull you down."