Fools and the Wise

Argue with fools and people think you're one of them.

What's worse is they'll beat you with experience.

How true...

Doing BS is as if a love relationship. You may put in a lot, but in return you might end up achieving nothing.

I would really like to know, whether SPBS is a bottomless pit. I'm always too slow to catch up the race. When we are in the best position, people lack understanding. When people understands, we already lost the position to do something. What worse was, people who are inexperience, choose to turn deaf ears to experienced people.

I think they don't really give a damn to get me back despite the consequences if I leave them.

Well, since they feel they are so good, why not just let truth teach them something?

But will kneeling and crying help the situation when it has already turn bad?

Humans...Humans... ignorant man always fail to wake up their idea fast enough. They will learnt to cherish only when it is lost.

If this is Kamma... it have to fruit... regardless bitter or sweet.

Seems like my investment is wrong. I should have invested in my diploma... ya? But regrets now is far too late. That scar will follow me to my grave. Who will pay me for that? You? You? or You?

Morning Call

I got a call from Ajhan Keng in the morning, the day before his departure to Thailand.

It's a surprize that Ajhan will speak in that way to me, asking how am I in NS, how was the cemetery meditation yesterday night(he was ammused when I told him I fall alseep.)

I told him I still have 1 year of NS to go when he asked about my remaining days in NS, he said, "Don't worry, 1 year passes very quickly one. Your 'Bat'(Alms-Bowl) is still there waiting for you, anytime when you are ready."

=D
He is quite sure that I'll return to the Sangha one day.

局限天定，原本无限

到了极限的我，才看到自己的极限。
错不在事而在心。
何必把心思寄托在别人？
该做的照做，该说的照说。
有志愿的人是我，不是他们。
我的存在是无常的，更何况是他们？

心不应该存有贪嗔。
有则贪，无则嗔，这样的我是个愚痴人。

无根之树风能移。
破帆之船寸难行。

随意被得失动摇的我就如无根的树。
抵御不了困境的我就如破落的船帆。

遇到局限的我，更需要超越自己。
局限可以限制事情，但是限制不了我的心。

帝王豪杰 有几人？
大成之人 世稀有。
大志由我 怀中成，
冰川干涸 心不移。

修巴拉密的路不是简单的。
我也不该奢望事情会太过顺利。

何从前一样，我是不会放弃，也不会退缩。
休息一阵，我会继续往前直到终点。

我会找到正确的方法，来通过这个第二关。

守得云开见月明

过去的五年，我努力的在逆境挣扎。无论人事物，天时地利人和，样样都缺。但我依然坚持着，不是为了要证明，我是对的，你是错的。这对我是没有必要，也没有意义的。我在等着的是因缘成熟的那一刻，最终在逆境中取得胜利，解开代代都无法突破的恶性循环。批评的人有很多，不理解所以不合作的人也一箩筐。不懂事，幼稚的人也有。总之就是与不到我需要的人。我相信这些都是考验。没有这些历练，我没有办法成就我的誓言。现在这些已经过去了。在第二阶段还没到来时，我一阵感到轻松愉悦。可是心里已经知道，接下来的，一定比之前的困难，比之前的糟糕。来临的考验却让我恐惧加倍，痛苦加剧。

过去的人外面的苦，外面的麻烦，考的是我的耐力、毅力。现在却是样样都往我的心底刺去，样样都攻击我的弱点、我最不能忍受的事情、最不能忍受的话。难听的话，真的很难听。难道这些都是我应得的吗? 可是当你要求别人去顾虑自己的感受，大多数的人只会替自己的立场辩驳，投诉。有的人会说，“人就是这样的。”我不认同。行为和态度在自己的掌控中。只是懂得体恤别人，愿意去替别人着想的人太少。所以我们才要学习去考虑别人的感受与心情。我自己也会怨，“为什么你不考虑到我的感受？” 可是不久，我就会放弃这样的奢望。因为，愿意为你付出自己的人，必定不是普通的人。我感谢那些在背后，尝试着为我着想的人。

有些话，不该说的不能说。可是，他们选择什么都直直的说。他有多不满，他怎么想，都一一的告诉你。对事情有利的话道是很少听到。这都间接的打击我的信心。很巧的，全部都击中我最担心的事。
但我又看见，这不是为了攻击我而来的，他只是想把感受让你知道。看似一种至高无上的尊敬，应为，没有绝对信任，我看没人敢这样说。因为会对人得罪不潜。有些很明白的事情，他们却看不懂。我必须象一个白痴一样，去重复一个极简单的话，还要从头解释到尾，来龙去脉解释的解释。是我太聪明吗？还是我太笨，语无伦次？真是哑子吃黄连。。。 那种小事，却可以让你胸口充满闷气，疼痛穿心到你要打人，气到要跺脚，眼泪欲奔流，却干如枯河，欲哭无泪。

到了这一刻，我退一步看。发现其实这些都没什么。因为让情绪干扰了我的视线，往往在看见事情建设性的一面之前，就被负面的感受折磨，无法自拔。这一切攻击的是我最脆弱的一面，忍耐。

如果我要继续向前走，接下来所需要的，就是自己的修行。虽然我很明白，达到终点的起承转折，知道该如何做，该做什么，需要什么。但是，忍耐不了的心，没有办法突破挫折与艰辛，只会在麻烦上个自己增加麻烦和死结。就如，一个拥有地图的旅人，因为敌不过爬山涉水的苦，而选择退缩。知道路也不会抵达终点。

自己要继续修，努力修，才有能耐去打开这条正法的路。有本事授这个身份，就要有能力面对属于我的挑战。我会成功的。他不忍我，我要忍他。他不体谅我，我要体谅他。须要忍的，就必须要忍。要度过的委屈，最后还是要渡过。我认了这种宿命。佛说“忍耐是最高的苦行。”真的很辛苦。我需要忍巴拉密，去解决需要解决的问题，方能守得云开见月明。

对抗嗔毒

经过一番沉思，佛陀的一句话浮现：

Having killed anger you sleep in ease.
Having killed anger you do not grieve.
The noble ones praise the slaying of anger
— with its honeyed crest & poison root —
for having killed it you do not grieve.

Samyutta Nikaya 1.71, Ghatva Sutta

我写下这八个字...这是决心。

墨舞茶会

和明根约好一道去茶渊品茗，白牡丹。然后，起笔挥毫，与他分享我所领悟的书法和经验。
笔墨，茶壶。。。好久不见，我那冷落一旁的生活情趣。

奇妙的事情，所后而来。我的心宁静，喜悦。在我回家的路途上，站在地铁车厢里的人群中，我沉入了自己的宁静和喜悦。一直到现在。

好久不见的宁静。。。有五年了吧。。。好比那年的夜雨一般。

然后，走着，我看着我手中的折扇。回想刚才的一切，“是什么”？

原来是“心”。真诚，纯洁的心。用心用心。

用心原来一直都在鼓励着我。今天的我，我的善的一切，都是因为用心。
用心去做，用心去听，用心去学，用心去看，用心去爱。。。用心每一个细节，每一人，每一物，每一刻。用心使我宁静。

用心将会成就我的未来。
原来是你，我找到了内心一直都存在的原动力。

现在起，用心是我的座右铭。
有心的一切，都会活过来。

当心碰到心，它们会感应，会相遇。
当心碰到无心，无心会失去那用心之心。

只是纯纯的去用心体会。体会一切。一切的真实。包括善恶。
用心，可以包容太虚。
无执，苦受当灭。

痛不在用心，在执著。

静中取自然，太和万物兴。

直的到现在，我在用心的写。

True love

If you love somebody
you lead them to enlightenment
you don’t draw them into
your own defilements.

— Ajahn Sumedho

It is a surprize that I am able to find a quote like this, that could sum up my long winded expressions.

Rare Talent! Great Buddhist Blog!

http://theravadin.wordpress.com/

So great! This blog, it captivates me.

His knowledge well verse, as good as his practice.
He is clear, he is firm. His words sing the praises to the Pure Dhamma. Not egoistic, Not conceited. He shows a irony but it isn't tainted with "self".

He is sharp and clear, both practice and knowledge.

I can't use words to express how much deviated opinions this blog is able to clarify, which things I am unable to express like him...

His capability to explain the practice that goes beyond the notions of "Samatha" and "Vipassana", being able to re-presenting the very original picture, is already impressive and stunning. That is something I can't achieve as good as him...

Sadhu...Sadhu...Sadhu... I pay my reverence.

Threading the heart

Many students find it hard to get a white long pants for their retreat. So I decided to make some white sarongs for the young practitioners, since sarongs is easier to sew. This meritorious thought, sparked it's wholesome results very quickly.

I only had 3 days, and I've got to come out with as many as I can. So I quickly buy white cloth, and borrowed a sewing machine from Ming gen at his house.

I actually intended to sew sarong, but I find it weird to let the uncle know, so I say, it's for making pants. But I missed out that, the measurements for pants and sarongs are different. SO too bad, I have to make pants out of it cloths.

But I'm quite bad at making pants. Don't really know how. But I try... haha Just to piece the cloth up into something wearable.

Here come Ming Gen's mum. She saw that way I cut the cloth for a pants is wrong. so She start teaching me how to do it in the proper way. That amazed Ming gen as he never knew his mum knows needlework.

This is where I learn. From getting the measurements, cutting the cloth is the right way, lastly the way to piece them up together. Starting from the edges ( which is the crouch part), next is the top (waist part), and then the legs part.

Not knowing the nature of the sewing machine and the cloth, many sewing techniques I applied was wrong. It turned out that all the measurements are imbalanced and lost the mark, resulting is extras, slanting of the clothes... etc...

His mum said something which I kept in mind, as I see Dhamma in it. "Sewing is something that requireds delicate skills and precision. A little mistakes makes a big difference."

Indeed I lack skill in this, and I need more practice. That makes me appreciate all the clothings I see, because I heard that sewing is something can't rely totally on robots. Clothes workshop still requires semstress. What we wear today, what we use, all is accumulated skills and experience.

I also appreciate sewing more, that its another meaningful skill I should pick up.

Besides that, she also gave me alot of encouragement,although at many points I can see her controlling her words, making it more refine... LOL... I think she know I'm disappointed.

When I'm sewing and applying what I was taught, I also understand some teachings. Sewing is also like teaching Dhamma, or even straightening ourselves.

We must know the steps, and the right techniques to apply, at the right place, dealing with the problems arisen. Besides experience, we must have paitence. Think carefully, else undoing is an extra work.

Indeed, anything can be used to be a reminder of truths, the law for things to work well are all the same. You need, interest, effort, mindfulness and the ability to review and improve.

It's about practice and refining it. Same to the mind, to meditation and our characters. The more we practice, the more we are skilled. Mindfulness and sharpness of the mind comes together, partly because we are skilled in that particular thing.

For the sake of Hanfu as well, I must master the sewing techniques well, so that I can sew the best Hanfu and let it reappear in the world in honor.

The Buddha praised capability and vast in knowledge. He encouraged people to learn a handy skill. Capable people in both mundane skills and dhamma are praised and of good benefit to others and oneself.

Now I've something more to pick up... which adds on to meanings in my life.

Sewing is also a noble art, I feel.... a treasure, because it is a high skill. The understanding to textile and the dynamics of clothings by the masters are deep and vast. If it's a useful knowledge, it is a treasure isnt it?

I'll work on the pants for practioners once I've grasp the basic techniques well.
I want to master it well.

Dana filled with Jewels

Recalling back at the Beginning of the month...

Yao Feng actually wanted to dana some stones to the consecration of the Om Koi Chedi; Ajhan Keng's forest Monastery in the mountain tribes of northern thailand.

But too bad it was sealed already. Later I heared, the Buddha statue is still unsealed, I quickly urged Yao feng to do his dana before too late.

At first, I was dubious about the "stones". What stones? Are they very precious?
Later he showed it to me, I was so shocked... It was Gem stones! SO Many of them...
Besides Gemstones, there are rings and Republic silver coins. All these are genuine stuffs. Not some fake products. It was part of his private collections. Taking part of his collections to Dana, I also Anumodana and rejoiced this giving. It's really a good Dana.

The thought and the heart that is willing to take out things considered precious in the world, to honor the Buddha, is really great. Each time I see the Gems, and thinking that it is going to be offered to the Buddha, I'm filled with excitement and happiness! Even Now...

We were discussing how can we bring the gems over the customs. Because the gems were well protected in boxes as if it is meant for selling.

So I suggested, why not get a Small Chedi, and put all the gems in. I looks nice, and doesn't look as if for trading. I'm thinking of giving out some of the Buddha relics I had, to the Buddha-Rupam at Om koi also.

(Taken By Ming Gen's DSLR)

In the same time, I can honor to the Buddha Rupa with gems and relics, and honor the Relics with a Chedi filled with gems.

So we went together to get a suitable chedi. After many rounds of price comparing, searching for a really suitable one, we finally decided. I didn't expect that the gems need such a large Chedi to hold. And when we pour the gems over, it filled the Chedi to the brim, almost cannot close. We got to adjust the position of the gems, then it can shut tight...

(Taken By Ming Gen's DSLR)

To let Ajhan know what the Chedi contains, and also to let those who know about this Dana rejoice. I requested Yao Feng to put down a list of the Gems contained in side.

A closer look at the Gems... The Relic is too small, but it's buried by the Gems.

This is a great giving to be remembered, which always brings me joy each time I think about it.
May All Rejoice! Sadhu~! Sadhu~! Sadhu~!

By the Merit accrued:

May I be Victorious in all ways!
May I be free from pain and distress.
May I attain Nibbana in this very existence.

I dedicate this Merit to all:
May you be Awakened to the true Dhamma!
May you be free from pain and distress.
May all your wholesome wishes by fulfilled.
May you attained Nibbana.

What to envision...

To Accomplish Great things,
We must not only Act, But also Dream,
Not only Plan, But also Believe.
- Anatole france

They don't Believe in Fate or Destiny,
They believe in Action & Fruits of their actions.
- Bhante Ratanasara



Dream to be a Sotapan,
Believe you can be an Arahant.
- Silatharo

We don't Believe in Fate or Destiny,
But our Deeds and its Results.
- Silatharo


We don't Believe in Fate,
But the Results of our Deeds.
- Silatharo

Hehehehe...

Samvega (Urgency)

I am subject to aging, illness and death.

I have not gone beyond aging, illness and death. How can I be negligent?
Cultivate Merit and assure a good future!

I have not gone beyond aging, illness and death. How can I be negligent?
Develop Samadhi and attain equanimity!

I have not gone beyond aging, illness and death. How can I be negligent?
Attain Nibbana and go beyond aging, illness and death!

Bounded by Darkness(delusion)

Shouldn't I seek Light?

I have a choice to do away with pain...
I should not be heedless.

Right pace is neccessary for progress

Something just strike me... While I was talking to a junior online.

At that instance, I looked back at the past, all that has happened and done...

Things require time to grow, forcing it is no difference from the Chinese proverb 拔苗助长。
Every person has their own pace. Some are faster, some are slower, some just never grow.

Right condition with the right amount of effort is necessary for success to happen, nothing comes simply by will and force alone.

Patience is needed.

To make teach people to do the right things, think the right way, can't be done simply telling them what is right and wrong and what should be done.

I need to educate them patiently, nurturing their understanding and capabilities, until they see it for themselves.

It's not a forced law, but a corrected view which is needed.

Wrong views leads to wrong actions. They can't be removed by forced rules, but correcting of views.

Wrong learning - > Wrong practice -> Wrong realization -> Wrong sharing -> Wrong learning
Right learning -> Right practice ->Right realization -> Right sharing -> Right learning

It seems that the condition is still not there. At least, some distance from the goal.
But if it is the merit of the members to meet with such things, it really can't be helped.

The Dhamma corrects wrong view to right view, this is the objectives of Buddha's teaching.
The only way I can see is guidance and correcting of views. The source for right view must be there, working within their capacity, keeping them not too far astray.

I should feed the right amount of nutrients and not eagerly forcing them to grow.

The Dhamma is there to guide them, my personal development plays a big role as well.
Unfortunately, they are not those who can speak equivalents yet.
Even the leaders themselves need to be taught like a student.

But I wish, May we be on same ground, or even higher.

May they not be intoxicated in youth and health which is bound to pass away.
May the not be blinded by ignorance.
Understand that they must one day, leave everything behind.
May they all, not miss the chance to know the ending of sorrow to completeness.

Compliments for 'Dear Death' Art Performance

I managed to get 4 free tickets for this performance.
The number of audience is bitterly less, but the claps is loud and clear.

It's really a great performance. I didn't expect it to be something so Dhamma.
Other than the venue, which I find, too small, too close to audience, everything else is great!

The singing, the movements, the traditional dance is so graceful, the costume, the Dhamma Pali quotes chosen was all good and accurate, even it's pronounciation. They story is fine. It is exquisite and poetic.

The performers are professional and good. Traditional dance... there is one particular move, where 1 leg rests with the kneel cap only, and the other leg seating. I saw the performer balancing himself. It is a difficult move. But is is beautiful, the person on the floor is as if flying.
The dance makes the people look really like Devatas. Sound good, Look good. Haha... Moving as if flying, with happy faces, as if liberated...

The show falls mainly on the Buddha's teaching about death, the Dhamma and also the perspective of Death from the Director, Punnasak Sukee.

I missed the front few parts, because I'm late. But I'll buy the tickets and watch it once more.
It only has 3 days, 13, 14, 15 Feburary.

This "Dear Death" talks about the unsettled young grandson as his grandmother is passing away soon. He is worried, and perplexed.

He was in the dream, when I stepped in half way.

He reflects on the Dhamma he heard before, the pain from separation, from attachment, sorrow, fear, helplessness. He feel the pain.

At one part he was really reflecting what most people are today!
Lead by material gains, living unconsciously, going round and round, round and round, in laughter and sorrow, laughter and sorrow. Doing nothing about the surest thing "death"

There the Dhamma was contemplated,
"life is uncertain, death is certain.

We are subject to death.

Nothing belongs to us”

Finally,

Sabbe Dhamma Nalam Abhinivesaya!
Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to.

In the show "HE" the one, with utmost glory, like that of a celestial being, is the representation of Death. HE seats on the gold chariot, with a golden body, endowed with Dhamma and happiness, lead by many beautiful and handsome fairies. He is gentle, full of sympathy.

This HE, put on the role to ease the grandson's heart.

Grandson was realizing his ignorance. He has heard, "Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to...and all other Dhamma" but yet he see himself, that he is still ignorant, still unawakened. and he questions, WHY?

This shows the understanding of Dhamma in the director.

HE answers his doubts, by pointing out many things, answering in a poetic and deep manner, it goes something like this:

"Will you take my grandma away?"
"I seperates no one..."

He went on telling, the way to awakening is to let go of "Self", that idea. In doctrine, that is sotapanna stage, a 1st level saint out of the 4 levels.

HE told him these, as the way:

"Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya"
Live consciously and alert on the "Time".

What time does the Buddha meant? This the actual word of the Buddha as well. It means the time of death.

but grandson carries on to be emotional and despair about the arriving death of his grandma.

and HE repeatedly tell him, "Be Awakened".

"Nothing belong to us."

"Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to."

This emphasis carries on to a extend, where suddenly there comes the dancing devas singing the verse "Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya", repeatedly, in a heavenly manner.

and Grandson come into sense, and finally understood, "Yes I should live consciously and alert on the 'Kala'."

The grandma at the ending, said something striking to me, which I consented by nodding my head, actually I've been nodding many times in the show. It's the same to what I know, what I felt as well.

1 part, the grandma said, "I've no regrets, I'm aware of my good Kamma and merits."

When HE came again, on his golden chariot, came and brought the grandma, to Chuala Mani pagoda (a pagoda in 33 heavens, that enshrines the hair of the Buddha), the grandson, said something that trigger my Dhamma sense again,"When I saw, grandma was brought away, I am distressed. But looking at the smiles of my grandma, and the devata's smiles, I'm happy for grandma. One day I'll be the one on the chariot, and I know I'll see you again. I live consciously, aware of "Kala"."

There is another interesting conversation, where grandma says,
"HE say he will come again at night"
"Late night? When?"
"Maybe."
"Unpredictable. Life is uncertain, but Death is certain."

Beautifully expresses the uncertainty of life. Poetically.

There is another. This grandson is good in poetry.
He describes this body, as a station.
He says, "The station meant for us to leave it." Well we don't stay at the station forever, it is a temporary stay.

There are still some Dhamma quotes, but I fail to remember them exactly.

I really like to reccommend this show to Buddhists and none buddhist alike.
It is reflective, entertaining, and beautiful. Especially educational in Dhamma for Buddhists.

If there is DVDs on this performance I'll definately buy one. But less likely, I feel.

The director's intention of his shows are for the teachings of the Buddha. Just like his previous work, "Dancing to Nirvana." I've read about it, another very interesting storyline.

He said very well,
“We should understand death before our death."

Reading on Dancing to Nirvana, the previous work, he also sees the current situation on Buddhist world:

"My life goal is not to get rich but to seek wisdom, so I study more and more, and have discovered many truths.

For example, although Thailand is a Buddhist country, the way Buddhism is taught in school is not quite right.

The more I study Dharma by myself, I find that we lack discipline in our study and practice of Buddhism."

"I'd like to show how contemporary people are suffering, while trying to find ways out of this life of hardship,"

"From the beginning, we haven't been properly introduced to Buddhist teachings - we now don't really understand them and can't apply them to real life. We've been engulfed in the streams of materialism, so much so that we can't reach the true meaning of Buddhism."

Lastly, being a good Dhamma education material.
The way Dhamma was brought up, resembles what I wanted to do for the previous 41st Annviersary of SPBS. A artistic performance that speaks the Dhamma. I'm glad that I can get to know, that this kind of performance actually existed already and the Dhamma is accuratly potrayed.

After finishing the Show, I have the urge to Sadhu them.

I can summarise the main message of the show with what Ajhan Fuang has once said,

"As soon as we're born, we're sentenced to death
— just that we don't know when our turn will come.
So you can't be complacent.
Start right in and develop all your good qualities to the full
while you still have the chance."

Once again,

Nothing Belongs to us.
Life is uncertain but Death is certain.

Sabbe Dhamma Nalam Abhinivesaya!
Nothing, whatsoever, should be clung to.

Sato Sampajano kalam agameyya
Live consciously and alert on the "Time".

I'll refine this reflection when I watched the 2nd time.
I might be taking notes...HAHA

It's a no regrets watching this performance. But I regret about the number of audiences they had. Maybe the publicity wasn't good enough.

If there is opportunity, I might want to see more of their performances in the future, and also the past work "Dancing to Nirvana".

Let it be lost

"Whatever you lose, let it be lost, but don't ever lose heart."

"Everything that happens has its lifespan. It won't last forever.
When its lifespan is up, it'll go away on its own."

- Ajhan Fuang

Thank You. Ajhan.
It's a cooling spring that runs through my heart.

Wise sayings

Recently, I recalled a phrased once told to be by a senior, but I can't get the full sentence. Later my senior told me that it was from "Awareness Itself" by Ajhan Fuang Jotiko.

I always has this problem. I'll get affected emotionally when I can't help some people to resolve their problems. My senior will then say ,"Arh u see, Kena Burn by others liao". To make me understand my foolishness, he quoted this from the Book:

"When you want to teach other people to be good, you have to see how far their goodness can go. If you try to make them better than they can be, you're the one who's being stupid."

Somethings, just can't be helped. I need something call "Equanimity". Sometimes, getting emotional over it doesn't serve much purpose.

"How good or bad other people are is their own business.
Focus on your own business instead."

"Other people criticize us and then forget all about it,
but we take it and keep thinking about it.
It's as if they spit out some food and we pick it up and eat it.
When that's the case, who's being stupid?"

"Beware of fall-in-the-well kindness: the cases where you want to help other people, but instead of your pulling them up, they pull you down."

Seeking the Way out

Why is there laughter?
Why is there joy when the world is on fire?

Since you are clouded in darkness
Should'nt you,
seek the light?

Dhammapada 146

Suffering (darkness) is the nature of unawakened humanity.
One moon-day observance(Uposatha)evening Ajahn Chah sat on the Dhamma seat and
began his discourse by saying, “Don’t feel bad if you are suffering.
Everyone suffers”.

It helps to remember that. Ajahn Chah suffered; the Buddha suffered. What was different about them was they knew that this suffering is not an obligation
– it is only one of the options available in this realm.

There is also the possibility of accessing the realm of non-suffering (light).

-Ajhan Munindo, Dhammasakaccha Newsletter

Wonderful Advice...

I've many BS Seniors and Comrades, but little are those who can advice me, because most of them dunno what they're talking. YF is one of the little, who give good advices...

And I find this particularly helpful... I'm put it here for remembrance:

Xinhao:
things just get stuck, because ppl just refuse to do the simple things

Yeoh says:
u have been ecounterin this prob for ages already isnt it?

Xinhao:
just hate to see the same thing

Yeoh says:
maybe its time u do some changes

to your own thinking

Xinhao:
hmm.... pls advice

Yeoh says:
i just suggest

when u try to fix the bs prob u always try u best rite?

Xinhao:
yes

Yeoh says:
then when ppl so f'up dont cooperate u will get unnhappy nia

cos end up plan dont get carried out successfuly and u dont see the things u wanna see

Xinhao:
ya

Yeoh says:
then u next time u will think i will try harder more effort more brain storm..etc ect but then still got ppl f'up the how thing

then u got angry again,,then u think u dont do enough + ppl so f'up again ?

Xinhao:
hmm..... last time

now is, i feel i've done enough, but ppl dun co-operate

some times i'll think abt the method and approach...

Yeoh says:
i suggest u set limits next time

if things cock up then u relfect

if really is ppl cock up again

then u must seriously think liao

Xinhao:
think abt? reflect abt?

Yeoh says:
dont get angry loh

protect ur own mind

this is a club effort mah

Xinhao:
hmm... ur last word is enlightening

Yeoh says:
cos what ever u do how much

its limited to ur own effort

whats the point of asking ppl to help when really u can do ur own?

Xinhao:
hmm...

Yeoh says:
they are there for a purpose mah.to help u to cooperate to run things out

if its really like so jialat make it clear to all of them

#1. how much effort u have been putting it and why .
2# whats the effect and conseqeunce of ppl not cooperating and what they dont want to see

when u see that the time is right,,then u just let go loh


Xinhao: easy to say let go... but will work towards it anyway

Knowledge and Wisdom

We rationalize ideas... We can nationalize theories on reality so well, that it convinces us when we rationalize it.

But when we come face to face with the actual reality, we become irrational. Although whatever ideas, believes, or even truth.. so real, so convincing, so logical... we don't react like the time we rationalize or talk about it.

Simply, because, we still did not really understand... Just rationalizing what we have heard, read or learnt. The actual touch and understanding to the actual issue is not there.

No matter how well we rationalize... It's just talking.

Attending the First Funeral with Awareness

My Great Uncle (大伯) Died on the 6th October 2008, after enduring 8 months of Stomach Cancer.
I witness the time when he was sick...
originally mild plumb and humorous, he became skinny and weak.

when he hospitalize and about to go.... with virus infection due to low immunity. He can't eat anymore, living on drips of glucose and salt water, constantly supplying mild dosage morphine into his body to reduce his pain. Because of the morphine, he is tired and unconscious most of the time, as if sleeping. We got to wake him up, in less than 1 min, he'll go back to sleep gradually.

when he laid in the coffin with thick make up...
his body in coffin after 5 days... where he will be sent for cremation.

When his body become ashes, the bones.

When his remains was finally installed on the "unit" in the columbarium .

I reflected every part on myself. Either I die peacefully, or die in pain, leaving everything behind. At the moment of death, there is nothing I can do to help my uncle, other then dedicating merits, he depended on his own actions done and his own mind to overcome. Similarly, I will need to go through this process alone, leaving my possessions, parting from the living ones.

After death, what is left, is only the body, a matter which will slowly decompose. What association does this body had with the living, that once had spoke to them, had done things and showed concern to people?

I realize a lot of things. Although I understand, the living will die, and I will be parted from them, the loved or unloved ones. I still feel the pain and sour feeling at certain moments, like when my nephew said she missed him, and when the family kneel down to receive the banners for my uncle. Esp. the banner part. The music is so... not moody or sad, got drums and stuffs, but the heart felt sad and miserable.

I did what I could, the first thing I did, after receiving the news of his death, I took half day leave to the temple and performed Dakkhina Dana for him. That's all I can do to benefit him, hopefully.

Regardless of chants and things we do for the dead, the most reliable and accountable is only the mind of the decease. Thinking back, to depend on the living to save me when I passed away, I rather depend more on my own mind, which can achieve fearless and at ease, on performing meritorious deeds, that I'm proud to say I did not live in vain and sin which I'll feel remorseful at moment of death.

About mode of funeral, I preferred the Taoist one than the Mahayana Buddhist one. In fact in the Dhamma of Buddha, it is absent of the idea "超度", where one can liberate the dead.

I met Toaist priest, and Monks performing rituals for the dead. The Toaist priest looks more sincere, anyway, business making, collecting money is not forbaded, unlike Monks.

What about Joss stick, and those paper money? Some Buddhist complaint about me doing that.
But to me, that's a appropriate way for me to show my respect and heart to the dead, and the living relatives. Doing something for the dead, ease my heart, than to grow my ego and point fingers at others, saying them "superstitious". In fact, through this, I can spread my mental states of love and concern to them easily.

Secretly, I've done what I knew that can benefit the dead... doing my part, but not causing others to feel uncomfortable. My dad will be contrubuting to the cloth offering on Kathina Day for my Uncle as well.

My wishes, and whatever I've done, is just a hope, that he will be reborned to a better place, with a better body and mind. Healthy both physically and mentally.

You see, when he is reborned, he is no longer with regard to us... we know him, but we as if never knew each other.

'I have sons, I have wealth' —
the fool torments himself.

When even he himself
doesn't belong to himself,
 
How then sons?
How wealth?

-Dhammapada 62
 

Questions for me:
Am I prepared enough for the day I leave the world?
Can I endure the pain at the moment of death?
Can I leave happily, at ease and fearless?

I purposely attended the bone picking, just to see how bones are really like. How the transformation of a body into a bone. Just calcium... Like some stone... Same to mine.
So this Body of mine is really a Matter!

Ah! Too much to mention... but All lies in my heart... = )