A gift and a celebration

Oh Buddha, I'm still human...
Haha... So demoralizing.
Humans will go through dissatisfaction, and worse when it is always due to ignorance...

There is a group of my friends, celebrating birthdays, but when it's my turn, mine wasn't celebrated, but other members, celebrate until like 王母诞，天公诞, like that. Most interestingly, it make me feel a bit weird when I am required to involved in organizing other people's birthday and presents. At least I contributed so much, not even sense of gratitude?

Little acts will give hints of how people feel about you. That's what I believe.

I still remember, they get me out for a dinner gathering, very close to my birthday. I thought it was my turn, but later, my senses tell me, better take it as a normal dinner. Later when I reach there, really... HAHA, no happy birthdays, no presents, no treats, nothing, squeezed my time out of mist of busy times. And I'm always busy, because my comrades neither support or lend their hands.

I felt insignificant.

It's not that I want presents, I want birthday celebrations. Friends who know me well, will understand my character, I don't go for the outside things, but the intent and sincerity. Some actions just show that there is a lack of sincerity and respect.

After all, I don't feel that's what I deserve from them. But what to do? I just got to accept it, that I might be in the lower priority to them.

Maybe because I go for the heart, that's why I become more difficult to appease? If people is really sincere, even if it's a thank you card, I means a lot. No need what expensive gifts or what. But, some people might take it as, he 随便 one lah, so 随便 do. Since there is no sincerity involve, how do I appreciate? But I still accept them in thanks.

A sincere gift, a sincere card, a sincere meal, has it's significance.

I must learn to give without asking for a repay, but I now must learn to give even people pay you back negative things.

The most happy occasion I went to, was SIMBB's Anniversary. Because I felt that my genuine heart was appreciated and acknowledged truly by their founder. And I really thanked, partly because of these.

Actually, at many point, there are tears in me, but no one sees. I felt happy that their founder has a bunch of friends, their com members, who truly appreciates and love her, such a delicate crowd.

Yet I felt abit sad, when I see how my people treat me. Like a abandoned parent, I was even told to do things for them, like as if it's my duty. I wasn't treat like a friend, not even basic respects as senior.

Still, I serve, because of their benefits, and for those who yet to come. Just got to accept, forget it, and carry on; Strong, Steady and Sincere as before.

Wise sayings

Recently, I recalled a phrased once told to be by a senior, but I can't get the full sentence. Later my senior told me that it was from "Awareness Itself" by Ajhan Fuang Jotiko.

I always has this problem. I'll get affected emotionally when I can't help some people to resolve their problems. My senior will then say ,"Arh u see, Kena Burn by others liao". To make me understand my foolishness, he quoted this from the Book:

"When you want to teach other people to be good, you have to see how far their goodness can go. If you try to make them better than they can be, you're the one who's being stupid."

Somethings, just can't be helped. I need something call "Equanimity". Sometimes, getting emotional over it doesn't serve much purpose.

"How good or bad other people are is their own business.
Focus on your own business instead."

"Other people criticize us and then forget all about it,
but we take it and keep thinking about it.
It's as if they spit out some food and we pick it up and eat it.
When that's the case, who's being stupid?"

"Beware of fall-in-the-well kindness: the cases where you want to help other people, but instead of your pulling them up, they pull you down."

Keeping precious cultures

"如果你不了解你的过去，你就像树叶，不知道自己是树的一部分。"

Excellent quote from "Little Nyonya"

The director of this drama herself has a objective for it, to remind people about the Baba Cultures and hope that people will cherish it's beauty and appreciate it.

From the Babas, I observe that, their traditional cultures preserved their ancestors cultures, Chinese culture.

It's good to note that, Baba at old times spoke dialects and not Chinese. In fact the modern mandarin was a newly created language based on Northern chinese dialects. The national language during Tang Dynasty sounds like Hokkien/Cantonese.

Looking at the records of Baba's in SE Asia, they've been here since Zheng He of the Ming Dynasty, and even earlier. They've kept their traditions well.

饮水思源 is a virtue. I'm fortunate have known how to appreciate cultures and art. It is also gratitude and remembrance about our ancestors. The chinese was taught to recognise and remember their ancestors, their wisdom and practices, because elders are seen as wise people.

Pursuing what we like, or foreign cultures, is nothing wrong, but we shouldn't lose our own culture, which are priceless treasures. Even foreign people are picking up our beautiful cultures, why we, as the owner of these beautiful things abandon them?

Just hope that people will preserve their own traditions. I've limited strength, but I'll do what I can.

A silent thought on a star

I was waiting for the Shuttle Van to come and fetch me down hill.
I waited particularly long for it tonight.

The wind is blowing, the sound of the crickets, this silent atmosphere bring me to calmness.
While waiting, I looked at the only star, shining brightly at the dark sky... and I looked within me:
I'm calm...
No worries...
At ease...
Happy...

I did a reflection on my heart... and I reflected on the goodness that I've done.
Then I recollected the people who suffered around the world, and volunteers from relief groups who went to save the victims... and a thought arise in me:

"There are much pain and suffering in this world already,
why should I add on to more pain and suffering,
by having anger, sadness and other negative thoughts?
Having kindness in me, I should spread happiness, kindness around me.
Just as I've wished to be, and what Ajhan advice me to aspire:
"By cultivating merit, May Everywhere, everyone with my presence, be blessed."

Accepting the compliments I've got, I know that I'm moving towards the right direction, and should carry on carefully.

Then, I suspect, the shuttle service might be ended already. I left the place without and regrets. Walking down hill alone. And I see the gates, it was close... So today I also learn that, the service ends at this time...

It's a fruitful waiting, arises from wholesome causes.