Since the morning I'm racing for time.
I'm suppose to go for a performance call "Dear Death" by Bangkok University, Dept of Performing Arts this afternoon.
It all happens from a SMS yesterday, where MX promised to reply on fri whether is she able to attend the performance... It all started where she mentioned, "It's for valentines!" then I realise, it was valentines day on 14 Feb. I was never aware or took notice about valentines. Just not bothered to be aware about it.
I remember my NS friend shawn mentioned he wanted to make paper roses bouquets for some of his friends for Valentines and I thought, "Hmm.. Since she reminded me about it, maybe I should prepare a gift for Valentines."
It was on friday late afternoon then I started learning on making paper roses from him, and he brought me shopping for materials. By the time I reach home, it is late night liao. I don't want ppl see me making all these... kinda girlish thing..haha... It looks girlish lor.
So I made them when everyone was asleep and went to sleep before dawn. I wouldn't stayed up so late if i had found the material i missed... the green tape for stalks. So I thought... aiyah, morning go buy.
Sleep until 11am jump up... haha start searching for it again, and I found it... quickly finish the thing rose and started on the card.
Thought for some moments...
Came up with this Poem or rather, couplets, not too chim, not too shallow:
人生 彩云 天地换，
唯有 真情 万世长。
唯有 真情 万世长。
Literal Translation:
Life and Time changes with Heaven and Earth(means: Everything)
Only true feelings carry on for 10 thousand years(means: Forever)
It means:
Everything in life changes, only genuine feelings stays forever.
This is a fresh experience, I'm portrayed as a "Hardcore Religious Person", but today I'm going to be a 风流才子... haha, romantic and talented person. That's the nature of Libra's what... = )
After everything is done, start locating the receivers liao... by that time is 12.30am and the race for time begins.
1pm leave house, chiong to punggol... Taxi is sooo had to get... finally reach FGS, presented the gift, search for taxi to COLLECT TICKET! Sian Diao... it's already 1.40pm!!!
(These people are interesting... Valentines Days Squat in temple study... Zzzz, but I'm fine with it. Haha)
Worse, the place I'm in is 鸟不生蛋，一片荒野。A helpful auntie advised me where I can get a Taxi. I got to walk all the way down to the HDB area. Heng Heng in 10mins, I get a Cab, and fly to Indoor Stadium... Another 鸟不生蛋，鸡不拉屎 Place... Worse than Punggol. That was 2.00pm.
Again, heng heng, a empty taxi came, after 15mins. Quickly wave and chiong to esplanade. 2.30pm liao. Lucky Indoor stadium and esplanade not far away, and meet up with YF and LB.
Phew...First time race until like that. I know I'm going to spent alot this time on Taxi, specially prepared funds for it. Then I cracked a joke to them about missing parts of the performance, "Things isn't that perfect today, this shows that valentines day is not meant for 3 guys gatherings, like us."
Although we missed the 1st part of the performance, but it is still a marvelous performance to us, they way it portrayed the story, the music, the song, the pali buddhist quotes, the way the sing the Gathas... the way they dance and the costume... SOOOO nice! As great, as majestic as our Chinese arts!
It is a great show, with great meanings.
Most importantly, the Buddhist aspect of it is accurate, even it's pronunciation is precise!
I prepared 2 gifts for 2 different ladies. but the 2nd one didn't managed to pass to her leh... Hai~
I didn't want to bring 2 boxes put in a plastic bag or what... So Orh Biang... I only brought the punggol one out, and thinking to collect the 2nd one from home.
But by the time i reach home is night time le. She say no need to rush so far away to pass her that, can pass next time, it's ok. I'm not use of giving belated presents, but no choice, in the end got to gave up the idea, and pass the gift to her next time liao...
She asked what about ZL and the rest? I say, "Only made for selected few." On the other hand, I'm thinking inside me... Valentines presents... man give man...Roses?? Eeee...So weird.
Maybe a blue one...haha... Blue Roses actually means "We are Impossible." But I realise some people give their GF's Blue roses. If that girls knows the message behind the colours, she will be like, "What have I done wrong?? = ("
But I guess both of the guy and girl is ignorant of these hidden messages bah... Hai~
Or maybe the girl like blue roses?
Anyway, it's a Interesting Day.
I do get shy and nervous when I need to do these mushy things, like giving presents to girls, or hanging out 1 to 1 with another girl, even though it's nothing or proposing, or courting.
Heh...some phobia from bad and nasty experiences in the past, lack of confidence.
But no, I must go through this barrier, must be nothing to afraid. Not I see girls shy, is girls see me will shy, like that... if not I'll have an extra barrier.
I'm going to experience and learn, what is it like to do all these tender loving care things... to... girls (today's girls aren't tender and loving leh... Haha!) See the heart, see the mind, understand how it works... That will be good for practice, see will 动凡心 or not.
Then next time I can draw reliable self-experiences as examples for Dhamma explanation mah...
I can see my heart pumping actually... haha... never do this kinda thing before.
Also, if I can, maybe try... how's a relationship is like personally...
Why so pain? Is it because of the nature of relationship, or it is all about mental qualities and method of managing?
Why stressful?
Why so happy?
Can it be joyful, harmonious and full of greatness of true Metta?
If I'm being thrown into a relationship, I will 方寸大乱, dunno what to do ah... Haha...
Drawing example from Buddha, he isn't virgin!
But he had gotten the best wife on earth, who truly loves.
Who can endure husband go become a monk? She must be of noble love! In the end, his wife, his son, also become arahants, free from pain of life, dwell in utmost happiness.
People don't understand, but this is how the Buddha loves. A loving mother cannot free her child from the misery of separation, aging, illness and death. We can't bear to see our love ones in pain, how can we help?
He don't want to be trapped in this dilemma, he don't want to be helpless. For the freedom from the misery of separation, aging, illness and death, he seek the path.
The more he love, the more he part them for lasting happiness. He did it. Just an example.
Or like Maha Kassapa and his wife. I find that many romantic stories in the Suttas. And the level of love, is really true and great. It is noble and pure, full of wisdom and warmth.
That's the state, I'm always seeking.
My "Yasodhara"
If I ever found my "Yasodhara",
my wonderful companion,
I'll seek the path to happiness, even more,
out of true love.
The more I love,
the more I should seek freedom,
for myself, for her.
Leaving everything behind,
seeking the path earnestly,
My heart, as the Buddha's love,
will be purer and true along the way.
She takes care of my needs and well-being,
my parents, my child and the family.
Setting my heart at ease,
for the pursuit of awakening.
Her loneliness might be a regret,
but my company will never set her free,
from aging, illness and death.
Because of that,
striving is my duty,
for her lasting happiness.
With a warm, gentle and soft voice,
I'll tell her by her ears, before I part,
"Because I Love you truly and pure,
therefore I seek eternal happiness."
That is the greatest happiness I can give,
that is the best happiness I should give.
The freedom from all fears, all discontentment,
all suffering.
Only my "Yasodhara" can Love to this extend,
no others are capable of loving to such purity.
We might seek the path together,
Loving based on only Love.
Beyond possessing,
beyond sensuality.
When eternal happiness is achieved,
All beings are benefited.
There we dwell in everlasting happiness,
and immeasurable Love.
If "Yasodhara" was never found,
my wonderful companion,
I'll seek the path to happiness, even more,
out of true love to all my love ones.
The more I love,
the more I should seek freedom,
for myself, for everyone.
That love,
pure,
unchanging,
everlasting,
limitless,
is what I seek,
is my final aim.
my wonderful companion,
I'll seek the path to happiness, even more,
out of true love.
The more I love,
the more I should seek freedom,
for myself, for her.
Leaving everything behind,
seeking the path earnestly,
My heart, as the Buddha's love,
will be purer and true along the way.
She takes care of my needs and well-being,
my parents, my child and the family.
Setting my heart at ease,
for the pursuit of awakening.
Her loneliness might be a regret,
but my company will never set her free,
from aging, illness and death.
Because of that,
striving is my duty,
for her lasting happiness.
With a warm, gentle and soft voice,
I'll tell her by her ears, before I part,
"Because I Love you truly and pure,
therefore I seek eternal happiness."
That is the greatest happiness I can give,
that is the best happiness I should give.
The freedom from all fears, all discontentment,
all suffering.
Only my "Yasodhara" can Love to this extend,
no others are capable of loving to such purity.
We might seek the path together,
Loving based on only Love.
Beyond possessing,
beyond sensuality.
When eternal happiness is achieved,
All beings are benefited.
There we dwell in everlasting happiness,
and immeasurable Love.
If "Yasodhara" was never found,
my wonderful companion,
I'll seek the path to happiness, even more,
out of true love to all my love ones.
The more I love,
the more I should seek freedom,
for myself, for everyone.
That love,
pure,
unchanging,
everlasting,
limitless,
is what I seek,
is my final aim.
Once, a NS friend asked everyone on the table,
"Would you be the one dominating? or be dominated in a relationship?"
I refuse to answer.
But he keep probing me to answer. I passed a comment, "No lah, I don't want to offend people."
Until he say, "I really want to know your comments, I want to learn."
Then I reply, "I feel this question is shallow. Summarized: Love is not about dominating. But it may involves leadership. If we think on who should dominated, you'll end up quarreling, because most of the time, people see the giver as a victim. Love is really about hope the other party to be happy and well, if not, you are actually in love with yourself, your feelings and your benefits. The "Yue Niang" in Little Nyonya, demonstrates this. Because she truly loves, that is why she can give up him for his benefit, not stubbornly wanted to possess him, and in the end breaking up his family."
I always feel, most people out there, didn't really understand what love is all about.
It is more of affection, attachment and desire.
If got the chance, I'll try out everything I understand about love.
No good thing prospers in ignorance.
The more we understand this flawed universe the more skillfully we can live, and the happier we will be.
We love best when we do not love out of desperation.
-Nothing Higher to live for, Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano
Some movies are weird, but they possess great wisdom, like 情癫大圣。I don't really like it, but I can't help but to agree what the 如来佛祖 told 唐三藏:
如来：
如果我告诉你，你们在一起的时间，只可以维持到今天日落，你觉得呢？
三藏：
我愿意。
如来：
正因如此，你的爱是有限的。你有没有想过，爱一个人，不一定要有结果。
不追求结果，就不会有尽头的一天。
我相信，这女子今天上天庭是打算（为你）牺牲自己，并没有想过要再跟你在一起。
这种不追求结果的爱，才是无限的。(I feel, this part a bit not very right. It is not yet 无限, because this sacrifice is still limited to 三藏 only. I don't feel that she will sacrifice to another one like that, other than 三藏)
We love best when we do not love out of desperation.
-Nothing Higher to live for, Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano
That is my stand too... =)
